Tending to the ‘everyday’ can help in difficult times
The Taos News has committed to implementing a weekly column to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat, and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.
Dear Dr. Ted:
Last week you wrote about connecting with healthy people and searching for what I need in that moment during these difficult times. The Ukrainian crisis of Russia’s invasion has really set me back on my [healing] as I try to find ways to stay positive and not move into a state of feeling hopeless and helpless. Can you write more on what I can do during these difficult times?
Thanks, Marissa
Dear Marissa:
On a worldly level, today’s news demonstrates dire times. COVID-19 still lurking, addiction, mental health, violence, financial strains, environmental distress and so many very real and daunting stressors that you face daily are evident and can have an impact on the quality of your life.
When all of a sudden you throw in a new atrocity, such as Putin’s invasion on the Ukrainian people, it can feel like the last gasp of hope for our world is taken away.
When the world around you seems so dire, this is the time to assess your own world and find that piece of passion within yourself to practice self-care and realign your priorities in order to make it through another day.
These steps of looking to see what you can do for you and others can help rebuild a foundation for you to stand on and step from, one day at a time. Sometimes that just means taking one breath after another.
Your emotional conscious and unconscious world (your psyche) needs to know you are still there taking care of your basic needs. I
ASK GOLDEN WILLOW heard the other day someone say, “We still need to produce as we transform into our next state of being.”
I found this to be very profound on the psychological level because it is so true for your psyche; you find ways to let your psyche know that you are still here and capable of taking care of yourself.
Everyday tasks can allow your anxiety to decrease as you establish order in your personal space. Cleaning the house, doing the dishes, making the bed, caring for personal hygiene, feeding your pets and all the other tasks are important to establish some level of personal routine.
Some people will speak of a hierarchy of priorities as some type of higher truth such as God, then yourself, then family and then others.
This type of emotional infrastructure can allow you some sort of steering wheel of discernment while you take your next action in life.
During difficult times you will want to react and have immediate action as your entire being wants to move out of discomfort. Most of the time, it is worthwhile to pause, assess the situation, take care of your personal needs and then be in a place to reach out and help others.
Self-care is essential. Then, finding doable actions that help you and others can create a kind of scaffolding effect that can help with long-term health rather than instant gratification and possibly more loss.
Checking in on what your needs are, as well as reaching out for support where needed, can then allow for clarity in the worldly matters.
Until then, stay safe and take care.
Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat GWR@newmex.com or call 575-776-2024. Weekly virtual grief groups, at no charge, are being offered to help support emotional well-being. Information can be accessed through goldenwillowretreat.org.