What are age-appropriate sexual behaviors?

Just like physical, emotional, mental and spiritual elements, a child’s sexuality begins from birth and continues to adolescence and through adulthood.

For parents and guardians, it’s important to keep communication lines open about healthy sexual behaviors while allowing their children to naturally explore and experiment.

But that is often easier said than done. Complicating a child’s sexual growth is the enormous amount of sexualized material on the internet. Recognizing the “normal” progression of sexuality for a child is critical while parents and guardians navigate these tricky waters.

The National Center on the Sexual Behavior of Youth (NCSBY.org) says normal child development involves some degree of behavior focused on sexual body parts and curiosity about sexual behavior. Sex play occurs between children of similar ages and abilities who know and play with each other regularly, rather than between strangers. Since most of the time, boys typically play with boys and girls play with girls, innocent sexual play often occurs between children of the same gender, and it may include siblings.

There are other resources available to help parents and caretakers be aware of which behaviors are considered normal and healthy and which are concerning or problematic ones. StopItNow.org is one such resource that outlines the most common age-appropriate behaviors for the four stages of normal childhood sexual growth.

From birth to age 5, children typically will:

• Ask about and recognize differences in private body parts.

• Be curious about going to the bathroom, pregnancy and birth.

• Show and look at private body parts.

• Touch genitals in private or public.

From 6 to 8 years old, they typically:

• Have questions about physical development, relationships, sexual behavior, menstruation, pregnancy and personal values.

• May experiment with sameage and -gender children, often during games like “house” or “doctor.”

• Self-stimulate in private. From ages 9 to 12 when puberty and hormonal changes typically occur, most youngsters will:

• Experience hormonal changes.

• Increase their sexual awareness, feelings, and interest because of external influences from peers, TV and the internet.

• Want to know more about sex, relationships and sexual behaviors.

• Look for information about sex, particularly online.

• Experiment with using sexual words and talk about sexual acts, particularly with peers.

• Increasingly experiment with sexual behaviors and romantic relationships.

• Self-stimulate in private.

From ages 13 to 16 years when adolescence occurs, teens may:

• Have questions about relationships and sex, personal values, and consequences of sex.

• Self-stimulate in private.

• Experiment with friends/ peers.

• Develop an interest in voyeurism.

• Have their first sexual intercourse.

Over the years in this column, we have talked about ways to prevent child sexual abuse. One of the most important is for parents and caregivers to have good communication about healthy sexuality. This is part of helping children be less likely to be targeted. That also means watching for problematic sexual behaviors, such as these listed by the National Children’s Alliance (NationalChildrensAlliance.org):

Sexual relations take place between those of widely differing ages or between children of different developmental levels.Sexual intimacy is initiated with strong, upset feelings such as anger or anxiety.The child does not respond to disciplinary measures by parents or guardians.Sexual relations involve coercion, force or other forms of aggression.The bottom line for those helping a child grow into a healthy adult is to keep open communication so they feel comfortable and safe to ask questions, express desires and discuss the pros and cons of any relationship.

Malinda Williams is the executive director of Community Against Violence (CAV) which offers FREE confidential support and assistance for child and adult survivors of sexual and domestic violence, dating violence, stalking, and child/elder abuse; community and school violence prevention programs; re-education groups for people using power and control in their relationships; counseling; shelter; transitional housing; and community thrift store. To talk or get information on services, call CAV’s 24-hour helpline at 575758-9888 or visit taoscav.org.