Graduation: A rite of passage
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Dear Dr. Ted:
I am graduating this year, and I don’t see what the big deal is about having to have a graduation ceremony. It seems to be a lot of pomp and circumstance, which costs money and seems silly to me. Is there a true reason there is such a big deal about graduation? Thank you, Phillip
Dear Phillip:
This is a great question, and for each person the answer may be different. I’ll come from a ceremony point of view and how there may be psychological and other aspects of your life that may make graduation important to you. I had the honor to be the speaker for Taos Academy this past Friday, and as I was writing my speech, I had the same thoughts as you. I was thinking how nobody really wants to hear me get up on the stage and talk to them about the importance of this moment. As I thought about the words, “the importance of this moment,” they allowed me to remember this does matter for the graduate, family, the school and the community at large.
There were three amazing students who got up and spoke about the silliness of platitudes, cliches and pontification during this type of ceremonies. They were awesome in delivering a very important message and moment with humor, while still poignantly demonstrating wisdom, humor, history and the experiences given to them as their right to be graduating while honoring that moment. They were brilliant in capturing the importance of ceremony and graduation while at the same time having fun with taking this profound step in life into adulthood. I was surely impressed, as they respectively demonstrated the importance of being present, honoring the past, absorbing the wisdom and stepping into the future.
A rite of passage is a ceremony that marks an important stage in someone’s life, such as birth, puberty, academic scaffolding, marriage and even death. These ceremonies recognize the person’s accomplishment to arrive at this next stage in their life and all the supports that it took for that person to be at the place of recognition. Psychologically this helps the brain categorize this time period and glean from that wisdom as the person moves into new stages of their life. Part of a rite of passage is also recognizing that what used to be has now changed. It is the announcement that your next phase is in play; how your world used to be and how you navigated your environment has changed. Thus, there are usually a few speakers (elders) who try to give a little bit of a sneak peek of what may be coming your way, as well as honoring that you have the tools to be stepping into that next phase.
As you become older, you will look back at this rite of passage, as well as others, as markers of how you perceive your historical life. These ceremonies can also help you to see what you can glean from your history to help you in your present life.
Phillip, I hope you can honor your accomplishments, realize you have earned the right to be seen, heard and valued for stepping into a new phase in your life. It is also a great opportunity to acknowledge all the different supports that have come your way to be walking that stage. Congratulations, and as you redefine who you are in your next phase of life, please use your wisdom of discernment. May you and your friends stay safe while having fun with the accomplished stage of graduation.
Until next week, stay safe and take care.
Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat at gwr@ newmex.com or call at 575776-2024. Weekly virtual grief groups, at no charge, are being offered to help support emotional well-being. Information can be accessed through goldenwillowretreat.org.