Tonglen practice for awakening compassion
Children have an innate capacity for generating kindness for others
One of my favorite meditation practices is Tonglen, and a well-known teacher of this practice is Pema Chödrön. The word tonglen comes from Tibetan language and translates to “giving and taking.” Tong means “giving or sending,” and len means “receiving or taking.”
Pema explains that in tonglen practice “we visualize taking in the pain of others with every in-breath, and sending out whatever will benefit them on the out-breath. In the process, we … begin to feel love for both ourselves and others; we begin to take care of ourselves and others.” In basic terms, tonglen meditation uses visualization and breath-focus to transform negative energy into positive.
I first learned about tonglen during a meditation-leader program at Sage Institute for Creativity and Consciousness, from which I graduated in 2021. I was so intrigued with tonglen that my final paper was about comparing the practice to the heart language found in poetry.
Historically, tonglen originated in India and was brought to Tibet around the 11th century as a way to help those who were suffering from serious diseases, and also so that people might heal themselves so they could continue to help others.
Tonglen is similar to Loving Kindness (Mettà) in that we are using the transformative power of the heart to channel healing. Although the overall intention of these practices is similar, tonglen is different in that we actually welcome suffering into our hearts. We feel the pain and sadness before allowing the heart to feel compassion and extending it outward into the world.
Compassion is not the same as empathy. A working definition of compassion says it is “the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.” Empathy is “the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling,” according to greatergood. berkeley.edu. So, we can understand the subtle difference to be that empathy is an ability to understand another’s emotions, whereas with compassion, we also desire to relieve their suffering.
Pema explains the compassion practice further: “Usually, we look away when we see someone suffering. Their pain brings up our fear or anger; it brings up our resistance and confusion. So we can also do tonglen for all the people just like ourselves — all those who wish to be compassionate but, instead, are afraid — who wish to be brave but, instead, are cowardly. “Rather than beating ourselves up, we can use our personal stuckness as a stepping stone to understanding what people are up against all over the world. Breathe in for all of us and breathe out for all of us. We can use our personal suffering as the path to compassion for all beings.”
This week’s short tonglen practice can be offered for those who are ill, those who are dying or have already passed, or those people in pain of any kind. Although this is a shortened version, tonglen is traditionally an extended meditation practice.
FAMILIES MEDITATE TOGETHER Anne-Marie Emanuelli
Anne-Marie Emanuelli is the founder and Creative Director at Mindful Frontiers LLC, an education-based mindfulness meditation center offering workshops,
classes and coaching for children, families, individuals and classrooms. For more information please visit the website at mindfulfrontiers. net.