Daugh­ter acts like a win­ner but still feels like a loser

The Times Herald (Norristown, PA) - - LIVING RELIGION - DEAR ABBY Writ­ten by Jeanne Phillips

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old woman who still lives at home. I do it so I can help my mom with my five nieces and neph­ews. Their mother passed away sud­denly in 2009 at the age of 30. My mom and step­dad kept them rather than scat­ter them to fa­thers who don't ap­pear very in­ter­ested in them.

Since my sis­ter's death I have earned two de­grees, en­tered the health care field and have lost al­most 140 pounds. De­spite what I have ac­com­plished, I feel I have noth­ing to show for my­self. When I point my ac­com­plish­ments out to my­self, they don't seem like a heck of a lot. What can I do so I can stop feel­ing like a loser? — LOST IN THE NORTH­EAST

DEAR LOST: A loser? From where I sit, you ap­pear to be not only a car­ing daugh­ter, but also an in­tel­lec­tu­ally ac­com­plished young woman who is be­ing very hard on her­self. If you feel you haven't ac­com­plished a lot, I have to ques­tion the yard­stick you're us­ing.

It's time you dis­cussed your feel­ings with a li­censed men­tal health pro­fes­sional who can help you un­der­stand what is caus­ing your low self­es­teem. If you do, it may help you be kinder to your­self, be­cause what's cur­rently go­ing on in your head is un­fair to you and de­struc­tive.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a buf­fet restau­rant. I wish you would alert your read­ers to how waste in­creases the costs at restau­rants like this one. And then peo­ple com­plain be­cause the cost of the food goes up!

I have seen cus­tomers stick their fin­gers or used uten­sils into pans of food to taste it be­fore serv­ing them­selves. And in­stead of the tongs we pro­vide, they use their hands to help them­selves to chicken, bread, etc.

The fact is that once any­one touches the food with his or her hands or eat­ing uten­sil, the restau­rant is re­quired by the health code to dis­pose of the en­tire pan of food. This causes tremen­dous waste. Cus­tomers also over­fill their plates only to throw half the food away. It makes me sad be­cause so many peo­ple in this world are hun­gry.

I have seen chil­dren run around, mak­ing a mess of the dessert bar, and es­pe­cially the ice cream and drink sta­tions. Their par­ents seem to think it's “cute.”

I wish you would re­mind your read­ers to use com­mon sense when din­ing out and to PLEASE con­trol their chil­dren. The par­ents should serve food to their lit­tle ones who don't know bet­ter. — FRUS­TRATED BUF­FET WORKER, PUE­BLO, COLO.

DEAR FRUS­TRATED: Chil­dren can't prac­tice be­hav­ior they haven't been taught, and par­ents who don't take the time to ex­plain proper be­hav­ior to their lit­tle ones are shirk­ing their re­spon­si­bil­ity.

As to adults who have so lit­tle un­der­stand­ing of hy­giene — or con­sid­er­a­tion for oth­ers — that they put their hands or used uten­sils into food that is meant for oth­ers, well PB per­haps af­ter be­ing re­minded that it raises the prices they have to pay, they'll think twice about it. But don't bet on it.

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