Leaders: Childlike or childish?

Words, like truth, matter. Consider these two words: Childlike and childish.

Here are the dictionary definitions (from Merriam-Webster):

Childish: marked by suggestive immaturity and lack of poise. A childish spiteful remark.

Childlike: resembling, suggesting, or appropriate to a child, marked by innocence, trust, and ingenuousness. Childlike delight.

When I survey the scene these days it feels like a playground where childish rules are paramount and bullies reign while the childlike try to stay out of sight and wait for recess to end.

It’s not a fun place to be for the childlike.

And a great place to be for the childish who don’t play fair but fight at the drop of a hat.

I don’t remember much from what I learned in my elementary school classes, but I do remember the unchecked playground bullies who got their ways by taunting and yelling at others, especially the vulnerable.

All organizations have childlike and childish people.

Where there are childlike leaders, the organization is healthy; where the childish reign, there is chaos.

They call people names. They yell at others and seem incapable of listening to others.

And when caught in negative behavior, they lie.

They probably need a time out and sent to a separate corner to think about their behaviors, but they lack the ability to reflect upon their own behaviors, usually blaming everyone else for their own shortcomings.

Luckily, we have a few other political leaders who are more childlike.

They trust themselves enough to listen to others, knowing they are sometimes wrong.

They don’t take everything as a personal attack, but seek dialog.

They don’t yell at others but listen.

They speak softly. They are not bullies.

They seek the common good, not just serve their own interests.

They can reflect on their own behaviors, sometimes judging themselves more critically than others. They delight in the truth. I’m sure you know childlike and childish persons wherever you live or work.

They appear in most organizations.

The trick is spotting them and not letting yourself be drawn into the drama of the childish (that feeds their already enlarged egos) and identifying the childlike and learning from them.

If the childlike are in leadership positions, the organization they lead is healthy; if the childish lead, the organization is in chaos with factions fighting and nothing done.

What does it all mean for us?

Here are a few simple principles we should have learned in elementary school:

• Trust how people act not what they say.

Look for the childlike not childish leader who trusts himself and others to work toward common goals.

• Don’t fall for half-truths or fake news.

Trust your own eyes, ears, and brain to know the difference between truths and lies.

• Watch what they do, not just what they spin.

• Don’t become childish yourself, thinking others are wrong and you are always right.

Do not yell at those with a different opinion, but listen.

• Think win/win. You are not out to vanquish what you think are opponents, but to grow.

The mark of an immature person is always needing to win. It shows they don’t trust themselves.

• And finally, in dealing with a childish person, even yourself, follow the principle you should have learned in first grade:

Go to the corner and sit quietly by yourself or ask the other person to do so for a few minutes until you or they are ready to play fair and not fight. John C. Morgan is a writer and a teacher of ethics at Albright College’s School of Professional Studies. He can be reached at drjohncmorgan@yahoo.com