Women keep the holidays humming

The familiar “Action News” theme strikes up its first chord. I’m in bleary shock that it’s 11 p.m. and I am still baking Christmas cookies.

Tom knows I need to hear Jim Gardner’s soothing voice read me my daily news bedtime story, so he hits the pause button and yells from the other room, “Are you almost done? I’m tired and want to go to bed soon.”

He’s tired. He’s tired. He’s tired? He’s tired! HE is tired?

My mind briefly wonders to what it would look like if I strung the Christmas lights around his neck. It’s festively sinister. He is tired. I have a cookie-making cramp. After the traditional marathon session with my best friend a few days prior, I am finishing up the last few batches. I can’t go to bed until they are bagged and labeled. This year also marks the first time the presents have been wrapped before Christmas Eve. I attribute that more toward my affinity toward cold brew coffee than any type of holiday ambition to get-it-done.

It’s during this time of year where we are reminded of such holiday sayings like “remember the reason for the season” and “all hearts go home for Christmas.”

I often think of an old Italian aunt who used to say she “pulled Christmas out of ass.” She usually said this wearing an apron, right before she served a full-course meal in her house that was completely decked with holiday decorations.

I wasn’t sure what she meant when I was a kid … and I was scared to ask. But now I know. Women will use any means to make Christmas happen. (For all the men and especially single fathers out there who “do” Christmas, please keep in mind the spirit of the season and the satire in which this article is written.)

None of this should come as a surprise. I’ve written about how women work harder than an elf on Adderall during the holidays. A few days before Thanksgiving I was a guest on “Unsung” (1180 AM WFY), where host Mark Hopkins and I engaged in a battle-of-thesexes war of words. I insisted that the holidays wouldn’t happen without the tireless work of women who deck the halls, buy and wrap the presents, bake the cookies, and prepare the holiday meal. Not to mention clean the house in preparation for Santa’s visit.

Hopkins’ retort was that men basically guard the home front and none of my holidays were ruined by a bear attack. To listen to the show, which features in-depth descriptions of relatives who fall asleep after the holiday meal, visit soundcloud. com/user-590515469/unsung-11-18-17.

It must be nice to be able to fall asleep after eating Christmas dinner. Women wouldn’t know since we are too busy cleaning up and putting out desert.

So on the night before Christmas, when not a creature will be stirring, not even Jim Gardner (I’m pretty sure he get’s Christmas Eve off), know that there will be women wrapping presents or setting the dining room table.

Those halls don’t deck themselves. ••• It might the frantic last few hours before Christmas (and I still have things to get done) but this is a good time to pause, reflect and give thanks.

Writing has been a lifelong passion, and I love stoking the insatiable desire I have to tell stories. I am truly appreciative of every avenue that allows me to contribute. Thankyous … To Cheryl Rodgers for her longtime leadership at The Times Herald and commitment to local news. Thank you to my mom and dad who built a foundation of courage and strength that I draw on every day. To my husband, Tom. Despite what this column may suggest, his endless love and support are the only gifts I could ever want. Thank you to Grandmother Mary for her constant prayers. To my family for their support and the fact they still send me birthday cards. To Christina, my childhood best friend, for being a source of strength and laughter. To my brother for always pushing me to work harder. To Dave, for getting me to look up from the keyboard and watch Stranger Things. To Budd, for making my hair look amazing and always making me laugh.

And of course, to you, my readers. Thank you for reading. I appreciate your feedback in the grocery store or via email. I especially value those readers who let me know what they want to read about or things happening in the community. I only have one set of eyes and ears. Yours help! Best wishes for a happy and healthy 2018. Katie Kohler is an awardwinning columnist and journalist. She is a Norristown native and a current resident of King of Prussia. Visit her at www.katiekohler.com. Email kkohler1129@ gmail.com.