Help your parents based on need, not guilt

“Ask Brianna” is a column from NerdWallet for 20-somethings or anyone else starting out. I’m here to help you manage your money, find a job and pay off student loans — all the realworld stuff no one taught us how to do in college. Send your questions about postgrad life to askbrianna@nerdwallet.com.

My parents and I are both still repaying student loans that covered my college education.

After graduating, I walked around wearing an invisible overcoat of guilt, worried that their debt on my behalf might affect how soon they’d retire or pay off their mortgage. I failed to recognize that, justifiably or not, they helped me pay for college because they felt it was their job. A lot of parents do.

Parents covered a third of their kids’ college costs through borrowing, income and savings in 2016-17, according to Sallie Mae’s “How America Pays for College” report. More than 40 percent of those parents said they’d be solely responsible for repaying loans they took out, without any help from their kids.

Just 11 percent of students believed their parents should take on that burden.

Once we’re working and mature(-ish) adults in our 20s and 30s, we might start to feel like we should return the favor of financial assistance. But there’s a difference between feeling vaguely guilty about your parents having shouldered college costs and seeing clear signs that they’re struggling to pay bills.

First, assess whether you truly need to help your parents financially now, and focus on growing your earning power for the future. There may indeed be a day when you need to swoop in. Be ready for it.

Ask Brianna