The Times Herald (Norristown, PA)
Cultivated home life
First of an occasional series.
Raising young children comes with its share of challenges along with all of the pleasures.
Sometimes we get to a place where our home feels like it’s in need of calm, but as exhausted parents we might not have the time or energy to invest in figuring out how to cure the chaos.
While yes, the laundry and dishes may be piling up, there is a different kind of chaos. It’s the kind where mealtimes, nap times and bedtimes are in a state of disarray, resulting in cranky and exhausted kids and parents. This might lead them to yearn for the place where they spend a huge chunk of time — their home — to feel like a sanctuary.
According to Chinyelu Kunz, an early childhood educator, podcast host of We Nurture and co-author of Farmhouse Manna: “Nourishing Recipes and Rituals for Head, Heart, Hands and Soul,” the answer lies in three pillars: Rhythm, Ritual and Reverence. These pillars can serve as the foundation to help aid you in achieving that sense of calm you’re yearning for.”
In this three-part parenting series, Kunz will guide us through each of the pillars, beginning with rhythm. As you gain an understanding of the three pillars, the two things you will need to put forth in order to reap positive results in your home life are intention and discipline.
“It leads to creating a calming, nurturing environment we come home to every day,” Kunz said.
Rhythm, ritual and reverence are valuable components to home life that Kunz, who lives in Downingtown, Chester County, was first exposed to as a child growing up in Nigeria. It was the basis of how her mother, who had six children, cultivated home life.
“Having six children, you really have to be organized and be intentional about family life or you will end up with chaos,” Kunz said.
That included consistency throughout the day.
“Mealtimes and bedtimes were the daily anchors in our family,” she said, recalling her bedtime was 7 p.m. “Having breakfast, lunch and dinner where the whole family came together and we would give blessings for our food.”
These anchors continued to live on with Kunz. After the birth of her first child, she took a parentchild class based on a Waldorf approach to education that centers on the same philosophy in a classroom setting.
“I was reconnected to cultivating a home life where rhythm, ritual and reverence is important,” she said.
Since the rhythmic way of life wasn’t explained to her when growing up, but yet lived deeply within her, she sought to reconnect to the idea in an intellectual way. So she began investigating to learn about the benefits.
“It came to my understanding that rhythm is mindful awakening to living,” she said. “It does require mindfulness.”
Rhythmic lifestyle
Kunz learned that a rhythmic lifestyle provides structure and balance in the home and now, as an early childhood educator at Kimberton Waldorf School, Chester County, she often discusses the topic with parents.
“I believe that rhythm also supports a harmonious life,” she said. “Rhythm gives young children a sense of security and safety, a comfort of knowing.”
All any parent has to do is set the intention to cultivate it and the selfdiscipline to sustain the rhythm. Kunz explained how rhythm and routine are different.
“Rhythm is more than just the activities of the day or the routine of the day,” she said. “Rhythm is what holds the routine.”
An example of a daily routine would consist of activities such as waking up, brushing teeth, taking a bath or shower, getting dressed, having breakfast, playing or going to school and going to work.
Breathing in and out
But the mindfulness comes in when we look at the rhythms we see in nature and in our own bodies — the breathing in and out — and align that with how we structure a day for ourselves and our children. The routine of the day can be established in a rhythmic way in which you have active times and calmer times.
“You don’t find yourself in a place where everything is go, go, go, go,” she said. “That is not healthy to establish.”
Instead, it’s creating a rhythm for parents and children that centers on active and calm periods throughout the day that give them a sense of knowing. Knowing a calming and nourishing morning snack will follow a time of active outdoor play. Knowing that nap or rest time will follow lunch, and even knowing what meals to look forward to each night of the week.
That all leads to providing a child with comfort in a bodily way at a time in their lives when they aren’t necessarily conscious of the time of day.
“A comfort in knowing helps bring about feelings of delight and joy because they know what’s going to happen,” she said.
Establishing set mealtimes also enables a parent to organize their day in a way that supports the preparation of the meal, including having all of the ingredients ready and even making time for a child to help with the chopping.
“It takes the unpredictability out of when are we going to start, and that can diminish chaos we are going to have in the home,” Kunz said.
Calm and orderly home
To get started on your journey to achieving a calm and orderly home, Kunz suggests that parents write down on a piece of paper areas and times of day when they would like to see shifts happen. For example, is it mealtime, bedtime, the morning?
“Start with the easiest area first, the one you feel you are close to, but still want to work on,” she said. “Leave the hardest for last because you have gained some new tools in your toolbox.”
Kunz said it can take up to eight weeks before you begin to see and feel a transformation in your home and warns you should also be prepared to experience some setbacks. But if you keep to the rhythm you have established, your efforts will be worthwhile.
“In six to eight weeks you will say, ‘We made it! It’s happening!’ “she said. “In the end, the rewards might be greater than what you ever expected.”