The Times Herald (Norristown, PA)
Fight or flight
A sense of overwhelming might sum up what it has felt like to be a parent during the pandemic. The uncertainty combined with adjusting to a new normal comes with its share of challenges. Hopefully, your summer is starting to take shape assuming you may know by now if your community’s pool might be open or if your child’s favorite camp will be operating or if your summer vacation destination is up and running for guests.
“I just want to enjoy the summer and not think about the next school year,” said Jeanene Evans, a mom of three girls, who is in the process of settling into their summer routine which, at this point, will equate to lots of time in the backyard swimming pool.
Evans, who lives in Brecknock Township, Berks County, hopes one of their planned vacation destinations in Upstate New York is going to be up and running by the time they had planned to go in July.
“I really hope that can happen,” she said. “We hike into our site, so we would be totally isolated once we get there.”
The realm of uncertainty that Evans is experiencing has become a new normal in the sense that we as parents might not know, even at this point, what the summer will look like for our families, let alone school come fall.
Navigating the uncertainty
Hattie Carroll-Ratliff, a licensed professional counselor in Chester County who services clients in Montgomery, Berks and other surrounding counties, is seeing that individuals who already suffer from anxiety and depression are having the most difficulty in navigating the uncertainty all parents are facing today.
“It’s not that they are having new problems right now, but it’s harder to cope because of the increased stress,” said Hattie Carroll-Ratliff. “If you are already having issues and normally you have coping skills at work and then the additional stress on top of it, you are creating an environment you really can’t escape.”
She emphasized the importance of parents taking time out for themselves to practice mindfulness. Since taking time away from caring for children can be difficult, she said just starting with one minute can make a difference in getting you to a relaxed and calm state.
“You don’t have to set aside this huge chunk of time,” she said. “It’s giving yourself a minute of letting yourself calm down and experience the moment.”
Evans keeps up her well-being through a daily practice of meditation and yoga.
“We meditate every morning using the Insight Timer app,” she said, adding they also have meditations for children. “I try to do yoga every afternoon.”
Carroll-Ratliff said it’s as simple as reading up on the latest news about the pandemic to experience added stress so it’s important to carve time out for ourselves.
“It creates additional stress and anxiety for your body,” she said. “For some, that can be stressful and traumatic.”
That additional stress can cause a person to be retraumatized each day they, for example, catch up on the news to hear the latest on the pandemic.
“Your body is never getting into that relaxed state – you are in fight or flight,” she said. “Your body is getting anxious and stressed throughout the day and never has a chance to relax.”
Taking out the time to be mindful, according to Carroll-Ratliff, takes your body out of the reactive fight or flight state by focusing the body on the here and now. But, in order for this to be effective, you have to actively choose to do something.
“There are lots of things people can do, such as yoga, exercise and meditation,” she said. “Different things will work better for different people.”
These mindfulness activities get your body to a place where it can calm down, which gets you out of reactive mode and in a better position to make decisions.
“Your decision-making comes back online and you’re not in reactive mode and you’re able to logically think through things and make decisions based on thinking them through them instead of reaction,” she said.
Taking time out for yourself to enable you to get to a relaxed state, even for a minute at a time, can keep a person from having an ongoing state of anxiety turn into a very traumatic experience for the body, which can lead to PTSD.
“PTSD is its own diagnosis and can have anxiety and depression symptoms within it,” she said.
Set time aside for mindfulness
Aside from setting some time aside for mindfulness, Carroll-Ratliff said that due to the uncertainty that has become our new normal, it’s important for parents to give themselves permission to let things be different. She said it’s about learning to be OK when you’re not getting things done or doing things in a certain way.
For example, if a parent has a no media policy during the week, but it’s less stressful for them if their child can watch media for an hour on a weekday, that is OK.
“Instead of holding yourself to a standard, it’s giving yourself permission to do things that are helpful,” she said. “It’s about forgiveness and acceptance and, ‘this is what I need and I’m not going to look down on myself for it’.”
Talk therapy is another outlet that can be helpful for individuals who might benefit from a professional who can help widen their support group, help set limitations on anxiety-inducing behavior or help guide them through mindfulness activities that might be best suited for them.
Carroll-Ratliff said that support groups, many of which are available online, are a good solution for some to do in conjunction with one-on-one counseling.
“If people are going through the same thing, in that group they can talk about what is going on right now with the pandemic,” she said, giving an example of a group that might be centered on individuals who have bipolar disorder.
Telehealth counseling
Telehealth, which has come to the forefront as a result of the pandemic, has been a valuable tool for counselors, such as Carroll-Ratliff, to continue to offer their services. While she hadn’t ventured into telehealth prior to the pandemic she has found it to be very effective and will continue to offer them as an option after her office reopens.
“A lot of people were surprised they are getting more out of it than they thought they would,” she said. “Some are doing better — it’s that distance that sometimes allows people to open up even more.
Carroll-Ratliff also likes how telehealth enables her to service clients regardless of where they live.
“It allows people all over the state to have access to therapy,” she said.