New Jersey’s new pet cruelty law is cruel to my dog
I love doing research for columns, because sometimes you unearth gems like this: There is no state law banning public urination. And to that I say thank you, state legislature, for never wasting time and money on silliness such as this.
Sadly, many towns have their own ordinances prohibiting number one’ing on the streets, with fines such as $350 in Belmar, up to a $1,000 in Morristown, and so on and so forth.
Dogs, on the other hand (paw), can take a whizz wherever they damn well please.
This has always flummoxed me. I mean, if a dog can do it freely, why can’t I? And I wouldn’t even do it on a fire hydrant in the middle of the street; I’d go behind a dumpster or something.
Quite the double standard, you ask me.
Speaking of double standards when it comes to our pets …
It’s now illegal to leave your dog outside for more than 30 minutes when the temperature goes above 90 degrees or below 32 degrees. It’s a law. Passed by the legislature, signed by Gov. Chris Christie the other day. The only way you’re allowed to leave them outside in such weather is if they have a proper shelter that, among other things, has “exposure to natural or artificial light according to a regular cycle of day and night” and has a “single opening no larger than necessary to allow the dog, domestic companion animal, or service animal to comfortably enter and exit the structure.”
And while this seems like a swell law, consider this: I personally often spend hours at a time outside in 90 degree-plus weather without immediate access to shelter. For instance, there’s this place on the eastern edge of New Jersey where the ground becomes sandy and the sand meets salty water. We call it the “shore” and I’ve been there numerous times. Not only do I not have shelter, but often the only liquids I have are sneaked-on Heinekens.
Where’s the law protecting me? Gosh, sometimes I even mow the lawn when it’s over 90 degrees. Then after, I’ll whack some weeds. After that I may even poison some weeds. Sometimes I might even mend the fence. I’ll do this for hours in the heat. And again, the only liquid I have? Heinekens.
And thus again: Where’s the law protecting me?
Basically, dogs can pee outside and be protected from the heat and cold, but I have to get a bladder infection and sweat out 10 pounds in the dead of August.
All right. I’m done with the silliness. Let’s get serious.
What a dopey law. I mean, we already have animal cruelty laws on the books. Do we really need a law prohibiting us from leaving our dogs outside on a hot day? No. No we don’t.
I have a dog. His name is Rico. He was born in Puerto Rico. He was a stray. (He somehow survived in the heat, for the record.) These days? He’s outside in the summer most of the day. Even when it’s 90 degrees or warmer. He has fresh water, he has grass, he has plenty of shade, he even has a garage he can get into, but, unfortunately for me, the opening is “larger than necessary” and, truth be told, there’s also a busted-out window on the side. I do have the “regular cycle of day and night” thing going for me, so that’s good.
But very literally, on the next 90 - not 89, but 90 - degree day, I will be breaking the law and being cruel to my pet by leaving him outside for more than 30 minutes in my backyard.
Somebody better explain this to Rico, because after about 75 seconds inside, he’s scratching at the door to get back outside. (He’s a schnauzer, and there’s all manner of varmints floating through the yard. He enjoys the chase and the occasional kill. Dogs, right?)
Now granted, there are some people who are legitimately cruel to their animals, and they should be dealt with. But this law? It’s overreaching and, almost certainly, going to end up causing unneeded grief for dogs and their masters all over the state.
I have more to say, but I’m typing this up outside and nature calls. I must go inside now.