BEST OF JEFF: Back in 2004, I let it all hang out. Literally. All.

In the summer of 2004, I decided - well, my then-editor decided - it would be a good idea to write a first-person account of a day at Gunnison Beach. You know, the nude beach. Thankfully, no pictures exist of my excursion ...

***** Welcome to Gunnison Beach at Sandy Hook, where clothes are very optional.

Look away, friends. Look away.

*****

“You know what it is?” said 85-year-old Robert Guinn. “I just don’t feel like wearing clothes. I’d drive home naked if I were allowed.”

Guinn has been coming to the nude beach since he and a bunch of friends decided it should be a nude beach, back around 1960.

“There were about 12 of us,” the deeply tanned (yes, all over) Guinn recalled. “Nobody stopped us, and it’s been recognized (as a nude beach) ever since.”

As for the “why,” Guinn has some simple answers.

“It’s a relieving way to get the hell out of your usual stuff,” he said. “Get out here and relax. A feeling of freedom. Your worries don’t lay with you for too long out here.”

*****

There was some kind of something floating in the ocean, all the way across, about three feet in.

Two middle-aged, out-ofshape, naked ladies stopped by a lifeguard stand to inquire.

“They’re little jellyfish. Harmless,” the lifeguard said.

The women were not convinced, so the lifeguard continued.

“It’s natural, but it’s not pleasant,” he said.

The women walked away. “Natural, but not pleasant,” I said to the lifeguard, “like a lot of people here.”

“Exactly,” he said. “Don’t print my name.”

***** Anytime anyone has ever broached the subject of a nude beach around my ears, I always heard the same thing -- only fat, ugly, old people go.

You know what? It’s not true. Sure, there were a fair number of naked people you’d otherwise not want to see naked (just like anywhere else) but there were also a fair number of hot women lolling about in the nude.

I imagine there were also hot men, but, I mean, come on -just don’t even ask, OK?

I’ll say this about the human body: They come in all shapes and sizes. You have no idea until you see a few hundred naked butts lined up at the shoreline.

Thinking of going? Here’s a tip. Stay away from the volleyball net. Trust me. It’s not pretty.

*****

“It’s not about sex, but I suppose you have to be somewhat of a sexual person to do this,” said 50-something Kathy of Pennsylvania. “I’ve been doing this for four years. I started doing it when a friend was given six months to live. I made a list of all the things I wanted to do before I died. This was one of them. I haven’t stopped coming back.”

Real nice lady, this Kathy. She noticed me talking to a pair of lifeguards, sensing I was scared to disrobe. So she called me over to tell me her story. She was convincing.

“If you haven’t experienced it, do yourself a favor,” she said. Oh, boy. Here goes.

I sat down on a towel. Took off my shirt. Kind of reclined. Sort of took off my shorts and underpants. And would you look at me -- naked!

Huh. Feels pretty good. Don’t usually get a breeze down there.

“I’m going in the ocean,” Kathy said. “You should come in and try it.”

I said sure.

She went in.

I went to get up.

I couldn’t. Could not stand up. It’s like I had cement for legs. There was no way my brain was going to allow my nude body to stand up.

So I put my pants back on. Naked for about 10 minutes. Yikes.

“It’s the kind of thing where you’re more freaked out than anybody else,” Kathy said. “Until I realized I was the odd one, being clothed. Plus, don’t you think it’s a little egotistical to think everyone is going to be looking at you?”

All good points.

Still.

*****

Only a few more weeks of summer, as it turns out.

What happens to these nudists in the winter?

“We wait,” said Robert Guinn. “And dream.”