Standard time, big engagements, and instant pasta
Everyone is off their game today thanks to the return of standard time, so let’s keep the takes hot and ideas short as we try and figure out if the clock on the microwave is the right time or not. Actually, let’s start right there …
The return of standard time — when I read that back to myself I’m doing it in the Movie Trailer Guy voice (“In a time of daylight savings …) — has it’s ups and downs.
UP: We theoretically get an extra hour of sleep.
DOWN: We don’t, because I’ll bet you $1,000 I woke up an hour “earlier” this morning due to the fact kids don’t understand the concept of “falling back.”
UP: It gets dark earlier, which leads to easier bedtime rituals for the kids. It also sometimes leads to me saying, “It’s dark out! Bedtime!” even though it’s only 4:45 p.m.
DOWN: It gets dark earlier. And it gets colder. And dammit, I thought I changed the clock on microwave.
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The fine folks at Barilla pasta are now selling instant pasta. Already cooked, just microwave for a minute and it’s done.
Instant pasta. I mean, come on. Isn’t pasta already pretty much “instant?” Just add water and stuff. This is laziness taken to the extreme. All that’s left is Barilla to sell someone to eat it for you.
Who’s in their kitchen saying, “Man, this boiling water thing has to stop! There has to be a better way!”
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If your girlfriend is a Houston Astros fan and you were thinking about asking her to marry you, you’ve got your work cut out for you. I mean really: Carlos Correa, the Astros shortstop, wins the World Series and then, on live TV, gets down on one knee and proposes to his girlfriend. Forget it. Can’t be topped. Impossible to even try.
Carlos Correa has ruined it for us all.
Full disclosure: I ended up asking my future wife to marry me on a Saturday morning in our apartment while I was naked before getting in the shower. Why? Because I’m terrible at keeping surprises a surprise and lasted all of about 48 hours with the ring in my possession before I blurted out the question. At least this way she was surprised. And horrified. Mostly horrified.
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Gotta give it up to Mary Pat Christie — MaPaChri to friends
— for getting pulled over for a distracted driving offense and just accepting the ticket without pulling the “I’m MaPaChri, for crying all night.”
Of course, if she did pull the “do you know who I am routine,” people like me — JeEds — would’ve been all over her. There would have been Marie-Antoinette references.
Having said that, the whole “distracted driving” thing is ridiculous. Did you know the first offense for simply holding your phone is $400 now? And I mean “simply holding your phone.” Just the act of holding your phone in your hand is a primary offense. Doesn’t matter if you’re actually using it. It’s nonsense. This law needs to be scaled back.
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You have Netflix? Check out “Suburra.” The show, not the movie. Ten episodes. Italian with English subtitles. Good stuff. It’s about a land deal where everyone wants a piece, from the Vatican to the mob to the government to some bad hombres.
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It’s just 101 days until spring training. I can practically smell the fresh-cut grass.
Jeff Edelstein is a columnist for The Trentonian. He can be reached at jedelstein@trentonian.com, facebook.com/jeffreyedelstein and @ jeffedelstein on Twitter.