L.A. Parker: Trump should just admit to Stormy tryst
President Donald Trump will never be mistaken for Honest Abraham Lincoln but Don Juan should take advantage of this Stormy Daniels dustup.
Confess. Deliver a Jimmy Swaggart “I have sinned against you ..... ” mea culpa or even a Jimmy Carter, “I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times” although Trump should just come out with a life-cleansing admission.
A majority of U.S. citizens believe that Trump had an affair with porn star Stormy Daniels aka Stephanie Clifford. Daniels’ interview on “60 Minutes” confirmed the tryst. Some stories contain such detail drenched by absurdities, that they have to be true.
Take the Daniels’ scoop about rolling up a magazine, allegedly Forbes which had Trump on the cover, and giving the business mogul a nice spanking.
Wow. Imagine being spanked with a magazine that showcased your face. A personal dream includes that bedroom scene when a porn star whips out a Trentonian, turns to Page 2 and roughs up the bottom with my image. Daniels told interviewer, Anderson Cooper, about her playful interaction with Trump.
“‘Does, just, you know, talking about yourself normally work?’” Daniels said she asked Trump. “And I was like, ‘Someone should take that magazine and spank you with it.’ And I’ll never forget the look on his face.
“I don’t think anyone’s ever spoken to him like that, especially, you know, a young woman who looked like me,” Daniels said. “And I said, you know, ‘Give me that,’ and I just remember him going, ‘You wouldn’t.’ ‘Hand it over.’ And — so he did, and I was like, ‘Turn around, drop ’em.’”
“He turned around and pulled his pants down a little — you know, had underwear on and stuff, and I just gave him a couple swats,” Daniels said. “And from that moment on, he was a completely different person.”
While the Infinite Monkey Theorem proposes that an unlimited number of monkeys, equipped with typewriters and all the time in the world, could eventually produce a particular text, for instance Hamlet or an extended list of Shakespeare’s best works, apes could never pen Trump dropping trousers for a soft whacking delivered by a voluptuous porn star.
President Barack Obama collected criticism when he danced the forbidden Tango with Mora Godoy during an Argentina state dinner. Lucky, Obama and wife, Michelle, did not venture into the real nastiness of the lambada.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump ventured into Last Tango In Paris territory and the moral majority of Republicans turn their heads as First Lady Melania lives a life of embarrassment.
Remember when President Bill Clinton had his Monica Lewinsky moments while the public inquired about Hillary Clinton’s low self-esteem. How could Hillary stick with Bill got asked more frequently than “Who Shot J.R.?”
Trump, who boasted, “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters,” during a 2016 campaign rally, could alter his claim regarding infidelity. This tryst that allegedly occurred in 2006 during the early months of Trump’s marriage to Melania, represents the power of the president’s base.
President Trump could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and have sex with any porn star and his vote count would never face a drop off. Republicans should admit that they love a modicum of kinky with their bump and grind.
The political party that claimed moral superiority and higher ground attitudes about infidelity, abortion, gender freedom and a litany of other social indicators, accepts Trump as fornicator, liar, misogynist and manipulator. They have lowered the bar on the presidency after holding President Obama to heavenly standards.
Trump represents a brave new world version of affirmative action where the lesser qualified man for this job receives allowances, raised eyebrow look away and excuses for incompetence.
Should Trump receive acknowledgment as “Teflon Don”? In regards to Stormy Daniels, yes, of course, as the porn star has related her tale and most people believe her.
Daniels now appears in search of 15 minutes of fame as the adult film star looks to convert media attention into big bucks. Daniels, 39, is scheduled to appear at Club Risqué in Philadelphia this fall from Nov. 8 to 11.
Probably about 15 years ago, a young Trentonian reporter received an assignment to receive a lap dance from a Pennsylvania dancer. The paper had money to burn back then.
November will offer a chance to roll up a Trentonian and proposition Stormy Daniels for a spank job while the Classic IV’s “Stormy” blares from a growling speaker.
Just hope Corporate can handle the $130,000 non-disclosure agreement clause.
L.A. Parker is a Trentonian columnist.