A dozen reasons ‘Brandy’ is the best song ever

And now I’d like to present you with irrefutable proof that “Brandy” by Looking Glass is the best song in New Jersey history, and, by extension, the best song in American history.

Yes. “Brandy.” The song about the fine girl. Let us now embark on this journey. 1) Remember, Looking Glass is a New Jersey band. They formed at Rutgers in 1969. So they have their New Jersey bona fides. And let’s not forget the song takes place on a western bay where lonely sailors pass the time away. I’m thinking Barnegat.

2) It is, without question, the best song about unrequited maritime love. Go ahead: Name an unrequited maritime love song that’s better. I’d say I’ll wait, but I have a life to live and you’re not going to come up with a better one. I mean, Brandy walks through a silent town, loving a man that’s not around. I’m already crying.

3) It’s got a “dooda-dit-dooda, dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit” part, and any American song that’s going to be in contention for best song ever has to have some form of nonsense “doo-doo-doo” in it. It’s the great equalizer, allowing every American citizen the dream of one day writing their own number one single.

4) It was a number one single. So, at least for one week in 1972, it was the best song in America, in all it’s raging glory. If it never hit number one, it couldn’t be in contention.

5) It grooves. I mean, boy oh boy does it groove. I dare you to listen to it with doing a bit of grooving yourself. The song moves you. Here’s a comparison: It’s like the same feeling you get when someone brings you gifts from far away.

6) Brandy is hot. I picture her with auburn hair, wearing jeans and one of those clingy thermal-type shirts, with the top buttons unbuttoned. She’s also wearing a braided chain and a locket that bears the name of the man Brandy loved.

7) Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Southside Johnny: The holy duo (and Southside Johnny) of New Jersey music. Do you know what their favorite song of all time is? All three of them? That’s right. “Brandy.” Or at least I’m sure that’s what they would say if asked. Just try your best to understand.

8) For bass players, the bass line in “Brandy” is Hall of Fame material. Just Google it and you’ll see. And as we all know, the bass is the coolest rock ‘n’ roll instrument. (I’m running out of applicable lyrics to shoehorn in. Just an FYI.)

9) I’m guessing the bass line is the reason the epitome of SoCal rad/cool, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, has covered “Brandy.” Oh yeah. You want groove, check that out on the old YouTube machine. Go lay some whiskey down, if you know what I’m talking about. (Not sure I know what I’m talking about.)

10) And dig this: The Red Hot Chili Peppers version doesn’t hold a candle to the original. Not even close. What does that tell you? It tells me when one of the best bands of all-time can’t match the boys from New Brunswick’s take, we have a one-of-a-kind situation here. I mean, my life, my love, my lady is also the sea, but I can’t dooda-dit-dooda, dit-dooda-ditdooda-dit if my life depended on it.

11) “At night, when the bars close down, Brandy walks through a silent town, and loves a man who’s not around” might be the best 20 words of all time, nevermind in a song. It’s Hemingway-esqe in its brevity and emotional punch. It’s practically a whole novel in less than two dozen words.

12) The song spawned a sequel! For real. Name another song that another artist decided was so important, they wrote a second sailor’s story, though this one was from the perspective of Brandy. It’s called “Same Old 45” by Sarah Borges. Blew your mind with that factoid, eh? But you know me: I always tell the truth, and Lord, I’m an honest man.