Tracy Ross pays tribute to her mother with eulogy
Tracy Ross penned a eulogy for her mother Betty Virginia Vaughn Coles seven years before her death.
Last Monday, Ross delivered that eulogy as she offered memories and insights about a mom who lived 90 years as a faithful servant to Christ while attending the city’s Shiloh Baptist Church.
Ross, an associate minister at Shiloh Baptist Church, created her original eulogy for a religion class assignment as she prepped for a place in ministry. Ross holds a masters degree in Christian Counseling.
“So, part of the course required that we write a eulogy for someone we love. My dad was ailing at the time so writing one about him seemed too close and too real. We had to prepare a funeral service and eulogy. I had an outline for my mother already prepared, which kind of shows how much God had his hand in this,” Ross said.
Coles cultivated a faithful existence as she knew Shiloh Baptist Church’s only three leaders. Rev. John White baptized her as an 11-year-old. Former Rev. S. Howard Woodson supervised Coles’ wedding ceremony while current Rev. Dr. Darrell L. Armstrong played a major role in her send off following a 79-year connection with Shiloh.
Coles attended Trenton Public Schools. She graduated from Trenton Central High in 1945 and received her Bachelor of Science degree in Home Economics from West Virginia State College in 1949. She began her teaching career in 1951 at the New Jersey Reformatory for Women in Clinton, NJ, where she taught “Home Management” to inmates.
Coles had a lifetime membership with the Trenton Education Association and NJEA. She became the first African-American woman to teach at Junior High School No. 1.
She barnstormed through life as a volunteer, advocate and member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Bronzettes, Inc., The New Jersey State Federation of Colored Women’s Clubs, NAACP, National Congress of Black Women, Inc., Carver Youth and Family Center, the Carver Century Club and the YMCA.
Coles once served as the church clerk, Women’s Day chairperson, and Vacation Bible School teacher. At the time of her passing on April 6, Coles served as a Trustee aide, member of the Scholarship Ministry, and claimed a seat at the Monday Night Bible Study and the Friday Noonday Service.
“She could sing like a bird,” a friend said, as Coles presented popular soprano solo performances while a member of Voices for Christ, Women’s Choir, and the Super Senior Choir. Coles also had membership in the NAACP, The Urban League of Greater Trenton and joined numerous other affiliations.
Coles’ engaged efforts caused a rift with Ross.
“Mothers and daughters have these journeys stuff they have to work through. Part of my anger dealt with the fact that I had to share my mother with the whole community. We had our differences but most of the issues we had, at least for my part, I’d been able to resolve before her passing. It wasn’t an estranged relationship, just a complex one,” Ross explained.
Ross said she sought counseling then started a self-exploration journey which eventually delivered peace, acceptance and understanding.
Ross received more parts of life’s puzzle during a Bereavement Service for her mother as Shiloh Baptist Church members and friends offered personal tales about their lives with Coles.
“It’s really called a gathering of reflection,” Coles noted. “And for two hours people stood up and told stories about how my mother impacted their lives. They were stories I had never heard before. Their stories strengthened my understanding of exactly who my mom was.”
Coles’ service attracted former New York Mayor David Dinkins, former Trenton Mayor Douglas Palmer, a cousin, Sen. Shirley Turner, Rep. Bonnie Watson Coleman (D-NJ 12th District), Trenton Mayor Eric Jackson, Freeholder Sam Frisby, Mercer County Clerk Paula Sollami Covello, Assemblywoman Verlina Reynolds-Jackson (D-15th) and many others.
“I can chronicle over the years the different things God has done to prepare me to deliver my mom’s eulogy. I delivered it free of guilt, free of pain. I didn’t feel grief at all. It was joy. It was an honor and a privilege to talk about my mother,” Ross said.