You can take my smartphone out of my cold, dead hand
Well, we just reached the end of Screen-Free Week, which kicked off last Monday. I mean, I would’ve liked to participate in Screen-Free week, would love to live in a world without televisions or computers or smartphones or …
Actually, no, not true. That’s a lie. I don’t want to live in a world without televisions (“Westworld” is back! I have zero idea what’s going on, but I love it!) or computers (I do work for a living, you know, and the idea of doing my job without a computer is about as attractive as me at 5:48 a.m. after a night of boozing) or smartphones (can you even play “HQ” on a regular computer? I don’t think you can).
Listen: I get it. We spend way too much time staring at screens, way too little time … well, doing anything other than staring at screens. It’s bad. If I had a nickel for every time I mindlessly scrolled through Facebook or Twitter, or mindlessly bounced around from website to website, or mindlessly watched TV ... well … I bet I’d have a ton of nickels, and I’m being quite literal there, as a ton of nickels equals 180,000 nickels, which comes out to about 12 instances a day over the last 40 years of mindlessly eyeing up a screen. (It should be noted right here, right now, that
I found out there are 180,000 nickels in a ton by using Google. Pre-Internet, I’d need a nickel, a postal scale, a pencil, some paper, and some imagination. Who’s got time for that?)
Am I proud of this pro-screen stance? No.
I’m not. But I’m also a citizen of the world, circa 2018, and what am I going to do? Not use this stuff?
Sure, sure, I try to keep my kids off it as much as the next parent, but even that’s a losing battle. I look back to when my wife was first pregnant. No way our kid was going to watch TV, no way would we let him anywhere near a computer.
Fast forward to today and forget about it. We’re at the point where my wife sometimes has to hide the remote control. Now don’t get me wrong: We legit try to keep them off the screens and playing outside like kids used to, but it’s not easy. Not easy because A) they want to watch and B) we’re tired. It’s so simple to say, “OK, one show,” or “OK, you can play Roblox for a half-hour.” Not only is it simple, it’s life and marriage saving. It gives my wife and I time to ourselves, something in short supply these days (the kids are 9, 7, and 4).
It was so different when we were kids. I was pre-cable, precomputer, pre-VCR, pre-everything. The only “screen” content was after-school cartoons and Saturday morning cartoons. We didn’t have a choice but to go outside, or play with Legos, or do whatever it is I did when I was a kid.
And while I’d love to see my kids completely off-screen, I can honestly say it won’t happen. It’s partly my fault, partly society’s doing. But there’s no turning back. We’re plugged in, for better or for worse. (Which, actually, brings up another point: We all assume all this screen time is “for the worse,” but we can’t say that with any accuracy. It’s all too new. Maybe in a few generations we will be able to see what technology has wrought, but for now, there’s really no way to know. Too soon.)
As for me? I’m not giving it up, not for a day, not for a week. So much of my life is tied up online, specifically. I work online and I play online. Although …
Although once a year, we go on a family vacation. A week somewhere. And ever since we started, I unplug for the week. No phone, not for one second. Not exaggerating. I turn it off the moment I get on the plane, don’t turn it back on until I get back to Philadelphia International.
And let me tell you what happens — the first 48 hours are detox. I probably grab for my phantom phone a dozen times an hour, no joke.
But after that? I don’t miss it. I fall into the rhythm of vacation. So I suppose if my entire life was a vacation, I might be able to go back to the old ways. Paperback novels and light conversation. Until then, though … beep beep boop boop beep. (I’m guessing that’s what computers sound like when no one’s around.)