Animal Shelter hoo-ha could give Yaede the heave-ho

Can we call it DoggyGate yet? Eh, probably not, despite the “raid” (or “unannounced sanitary inspection,” according to the state Department of Health) on the Hamilton Township Animal Shelter last week.

The state found all manner of innocuous rulebreaking at the shelter, including missing medical records of dogs who were adopted out, euthanasia medication that was expired, and — this is truly shocking — keeping bird food around after adopting out a parrot.

Yep. Old bird food lurking about. The horror!

Of course, this “raid” comes on the heels of the town council — now led by Democrats — calling for a probe into the animal shelter, accusing (Republican) Mayor Kelly Yaede’s administration of mismanaging the budget and killing “innocent animals,” according to Rick Tighe, a councilman.

Yaede fired back when the council announced their plans, saying 13 animals had been put down so far this year, eight of which were requested by the pet owners due to the health of the animals, and five because of aggression, including attacking humans (more on humans in a few moments).

This story, as we say in the business, has legs. It’s not going anywhere. In fact, don’t be surprised if animal shelter talk stays with us all the way to the next mayor’s election in 2019.

And you know what? If it does, it will be curtains for Yaede, whether it’s deserved (probably not) or not (probably). You know why? Because if I were an operative for the Democrats, I’d get busy designing posters featuring sad, skinny, beat-down dogs with words saying something like, “Do you like seeing dogs suffer? Vote for Kelly Yaede.” (Note to self: I’d be a damn good political operative. I mean, I’m scaring myself right now.)

It would be the end of Yaede, period, full stop. People can’t bear the thought of animals suffering. Of course, these same people have hamburgers in one hand and turducken tacos in the other, so this is not something that could be chalked up to “common sense.”

Seriously: I’d love to run a sociological experiment. One mayoral candidate is accused of killing their spouse’s lover, the other candidate accused of killing their spouse’s lover’s golden retriever. Who gets more votes in the election? I bet it would be the humankiller.

Truth is, we have a weird thing going on with animals. I mean, I love animals as much as the next guy, and I would never hurt one on purpose, but uh … yeah. They’re animals. We eat them routinely. Did you know 9 billion chickens are killed each year just for American consumption, according to the USDA? That’s 30 chickens per person. Seems kind of hypocritical to get all worked up about shelter animals while at the same time being responsible for the murder of 30 chickens each year.

Of course, dogs are special case because they’re good boys oh yes they are a good boy. (I don’t want to talk about cats. I don’t care for cats.) But let’s not forget dogs are food in many cultures, and dig this: You can legally dine on Fido in 43 states, according to DogTime.com. (It’s illegal in New Jersey, so score one for the all-powerful NJ dog lobby.)

Point here is unless you’re a vegan, or to a lesser degree, a vegetarian, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on if you start complaining about the conditions at the Hamilton Animal Shelter.

But it doesn’t matter what I think. We love our animals, at least the ones we don’t currently consider food, and even the hint of ill will toward them — never mind the killing of “innocent” ones — would be the death knell for any politician, even if it makes zero sense at all.