A Shaq-sized bathroom fixture at Wildflowers in Pennington
So I’m in the bathroom at Wildflowers in Pennington and I notice the urinal is about yay high and I’m like, “Did I shrink?” followed by “How many beers did I have?” followed by “Well, when in Rome …”
See, there are two urinals in this longtime local haunt, and one of them is way too high. Like, above where it should be. As in, I’m 6-foot-3-inches and I barely make it over the rim, if you catch my drift, which I’m sure you do.
“It’s a mystery as to why it’s so high,” said Jacqui Mather, who co-owns the bar/restaurant with her dad, Ken, and her sister Torey. “Dad told me it had something to do where plumbing was. There was only one urinal, and he put a second one in, but it had to sit higher. Why he didn’t just fix the plumbing I have no idea. But yes. It’s often the talk of the bar.”
Fact is, I used to frequent Wildflowers back in my pre-children days. These were also the pre-giant urinal days. So when I popped in for a Very Important Meeting there a few weeks back (I’m on the board of my local swim club; it’s an excuse to go out and have a few beers once a month) and entered the restroom, I was taken aback by the height of the darn thing.
But what really threw me was the plaque affixed above it: “Reserved for Shaquille O’Neal.”
So I had to ask - who put up the plaque?
“No idea,” said Mather. Well, she’s “just” the owner. Probably the last to know. I asked Sarah Johnson, the longtime bartender.
“It just appeared two or three months ago,” she said. “Nobody knows. Kenny asked me if I did it. I didn’t.”
A fellow named John was sitting at the bar during this conversation, eating a tomato pie (more on that later): “It just showed up,” he said.
To be clear: A bar patron designed, purchased, and fastened the plaque above the john, and no one knows who did it. You might say it’s a topic of conversation these days.
“Well, I’ve never seen the urinal, but I’ve been told it is indeed Shaqsized,” said Suzanne Burke, another bar patron.
And I’ll tell you this right now: I have a new life mission, and that is to get Shaquille O’Neal to utilize the Wildflowers facilities. Seriously. That would be the capstone to my career. I couldn’t think of a prouder moment than this column making its way to Shaq, and Shaq making his way to Pennington for a tomato pie and a trip to the toilet. (Yes. The tomato pie. Criminally underrated in the annals of Trenton tomato pie. Thin, crispy, perfect. Recommended to be eaten immediately at the bar, not takeout. Put it on your list. In the meantime …)
“I’ve been after Kenny to make a mark on the floor, maybe two feet back, that way you could arc it in,” said John the patron. “It’s not for rookies, that urinal, that’s for sure.” I co-sign on that.
“I thought about maybe putting a step stool in there,” said Mather.
“Might be too dangerous,” said Johnson.
In the end, it’s just a urinal. But in this fantastic neighborhood bar and restaurant, a fixture in town for over 32 years, it’s also constantly up for discussion.
“It’s been a thing for years,” said John. “People who have never been here before always come out of the bathroom talking about it.”
And with good reason. It’s freaking waaaaaay too high. Are you there, Shaq? Can you hear me?
Anyway, can’t wait for my next board meeting. I’ll be the guy in the platform shoes.