Princeton U. group stops singing ‘Kiss the Girl’, my head explodes
I don’t know how I missed this, but the Princeton Tigertones, an all-male acapella group at Princeton University, has decided to stop singing “Kiss the Girl” from “A Little Mermaid” after a student newspaper columnist wrote that the song promotes “toxic masculinity.”
For those not familiar with the film, the song is sung by Sebastian the crab, encouraging Prince Eric to go for it and plant a smackeroo on Ariel, who lost her ability to speak due to striking a deal with Ursula the Sea Witch.
That last paragraph is a lot to take in, but please know this: In the movie, the song is sung as Eric and Ariel are on an objectively romantic boat ride, and she wants him to kiss her. It’s not even a question. She shuts her eyes, leans in, puckers up, and Eric pulls away at the last moment. If anything, the song is promoting “weiner masculinity.”
“Look like the boy too shy,” Sebastian sings as a clearly ticked-off Ariel silently harrumphs at not being kissed. “He ain’t gonna kiss the girl.”
Now, to be fair, she needed the kiss for the no-speaking spell to be broken and …
And nothing. This song is about as “toxic” as “Kumbaya.”
The columnist went on to say as part of the Tigertones show, a woman would be pulled from the audience and then would get to decide if a man pulled from the crowd could give her a kiss. This is harmless fun. Sounds about as terrible as … well, it doesn’t sound terrible at all. It’s silly, G-rated fun, which, apparently, is verboten these days.
“Performances of this song have made participants uncomfortable and offended audience members, an outcome which is antithetical to our group’s mission and one that we deeply regret,” wrote the … wrote the freaking president of the Tigertones in a response to the column.
That’s capitulation with a Capital C right there.
I’ve now officially reached the point of “I just don’t get it.” Next up I’ll be demanding dinner at 4 p.m. and sending my soup back at the deli because it’s not hot enough. How is this happening? How has something as innocent as a song in “The Little Mermaid” become the latest flashpoint in the culture wars?
To me, there’s two issues here: One, the “toxic masculinity” balderdash, and two, the aggressive nature (ha!) of a man going in for a kiss.
First up: I’ve got a 9-year-old son. I don’t want him to be subjected to “toxic masculinity” anymore than the next guy. But — newsflash — this ain’t toxic masculinity. I’m just going to pull directly from the column here … “In trying to motivate Eric to kiss Ariel, the crab, Sebastian, makes use of lines such as, ‘Looks like the boy’s too shy,’ ‘Don’t be scared,’ and ‘It’s such a shame, too bad/You’re gonna miss the girl.’ Such expressions imply that not using aggressive physical action to secure Ariel’s sexual submission makes Eric weak — an irrefutable scaredycat. Applied outside of the realm of the movie, these statements suggest that masculinity is contingent on domination of women. This attitude can catalyze violent tendencies toward, and assault against, women.”
To be clear: The author is drawing a direct line from Eric not going in for the kiss — a kiss Ariel wanted to happen — to actual physical assault. I believe the cliche “a bridge too far” fits here.
And for the record, In a few years time, if my son wanted to kiss a girl, and if the girl wanted him to kiss her, and he didn’t go ahead and kiss her … well, yeah, then he would be an “irrefutable scaredy-cat.” This is Romance 101 here. A dude senses a dudette wants to be kissed, he goes for it. Sometimes he’s wrong, but sometimes he’s right. That’s life.
Which brings me now to my daughters.
Toxic masculinity cuts both ways, obviously, for if boys are raised to believe they need to use “aggressive physical action” to secure “sexual submission,” then I should probably forbid my girls from ever leaving the house once they become teenagers.
And while I would most certainly murder, dismember, and dissolve in acid any man who assaults either of my girls (is that “toxic masculinity? sorry) I also want them to be able to live a life filled with the promise of romance, and yeah, that probably means some typical gender roles being played out.
In short: I hope they will be kissed by good guys as they get older. I hope they meet guys who are not scaredy-cats. I hope they meet guys who are confident enough in themselves to be able to sense when the moment is right for a big ol’ G-rated kiss.
I’m not even kidding - I really don’t get it. I just don’t get how something as innocent as this can blow up into the latest sex and gender and whatnot controversy.
I could go on like this for days, but baby it’s cold outside.