‘Frosty the Snowman’ is a mean, terrible, horrible song
In the wake of the ongoing controversy surrounding the lyrics of “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” L.A. and I decided to take a deep dive into some other holiday songs. Who knows what controversy lurks under the hood of some of Christmas classics.
Take “Frosty the Snowman,” for example, a disgusting song that right off the bat makes me feel terrible about myself.
Listen: I have a large nose. A prominent proboscis. A huge honker. And in the first stanza of the song, I have to hear this: “With a corncob pipe and button nose …”
A button nose! Makes me feel less-than. Makes me feel bad about myself, for I wish I had a “button nose.”
And let’s not even get started on the pro-Big Tobacco stance Frosty obviously takes. A corncob pipe! I shudder to think how many of America’s youth have started smoking as a direct result of this shameful song.
But it gets worse, and we’re not even out of the first stanza yet. “Two eyes made out of coal.” Do you even know how much damage coal does to the environment? Hmmmm? Do you?
But wait, there’s more. Third stanza: “There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found, for when they placed it on his head he began to dance around.” Oh please. Let’s not pretend for one moment this is not a reference to the old minstrel shows of yesteryear. Put on a hat and dance for me, snowman. Disgusting.
“Frosty the snowman, was alive as he could be,” the song continues, bringing fresh pain to every single dead person in the world. You think they like being reminded how unalive they are? Dead people are people too! #DeadToo
But if you think this was bad, just wait. Just wait until you consider this. I warn you: This is bad.
“He led them down the streets of town right to the traffic cop. And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler ‘Stop!’
Whoa. Right there. Here’s Frosty, completely disregarding the police. In all the annals of music, from N.W.A’s “F*** the Police” on down, I’ve never heard a song more anti-police than this. I’m horrified, and you should be to.
Please, join me in having radio stations across this great land strike “Frosty the Snowman” from their playlists. The time has come.
Jeff Edelstein is a columnist for The Trentonian. He can be reached at jedelstein@ trentonian.com, facebook. com/jeffreyedelstein and @jeffedelstein on Twitter.