What new holiday should we add to August?

Be they official or not, every single month on the calendar has a holiday except August. Seriously. Go look. The month is a vast wasteland.

Which is stupid, because everyone wants to take time off in August. We need an official holiday.

Only problem? It’s a hell of a time to try and find one. We really need to get creative.

My main focus? Finding a holiday that backs right into Labor Day. Ideally, I’d like to see this holiday fall on a Thursday, so everyone gets that day off, then Friday rolls around and no one goes to work because Monday is Labor Day. Perfect, right?

OK. Now we just need to find something to celebrate at the end of August.

Well, Michael Jackson was born August 29, but uh … no.

Frank Robinson - baseball’s first black manager and Hall of Fame ballplayer - was born on August 31, but we don’t get a day off for Jackie Robinson yet, so … no.

When it comes to history, not a lot. Princess Diana died on the 31st, but we’re not the colonies anymore, so … no.

Hey! How about this? On August 29, 1991, the Soviet Communist Party was suspended, thereby pretty much ending the Soviet Union. That’s something to celebrate, right? USA! USA!

I mean, I’m old enough to remember the Soviet threat, if there really was one. I watched “The Day After.” I booed Nikolai Volkoff.

Best part of the celebration? It’s true capitalist nature. We’ll never know all the details, but one reason the Soviet Union collapsed was because we simply outspent them. Tough to keep up with an America with her wallet out.

So yes. How about the last Thursday in August we deem “Capitalist Day” and … well, and take off a day from work to drink Coors Light and wear Jorts. Seems reasonable.