Super Bowl Monday-Monday, can’t trust that day for worker participation

An estimated 17.2 million adults employed in the U.S. are expected to miss work the day after the Super Bowl, according to a survey from The Workforce Institute at Kronos Incorporated — It’s the biggest day of Super Bowl-related absenteeism since Kronos started tracking in 2005.

And even employees who do show up, score less than favorable reviews regarding productivity as discussions about the game and hangovers overshadow work responsibilities. Better check in with the office hustler who’s been handling all the money for the football betting block pool.

Missing Monday may produce unfavorable criticism by bosses and coworkers, and some may even run the risk of termination. Absenteeism in The Trentonian area could spike higher as meteorologists predict temperatures in the high 50s, perhaps even 60. And not just for Monday but for Tuesday and Wednesday.

Come on. You can be honest because the thought police have no entry into your mental games. Go ahead, say it. Or, at least think that nasty thought. You’re considering skipping Monday. While people debate the accuracy of calling out or calling in sick, think about turning off the alarm clock for Monday. Play with that idea first. Yummy.

Now, since your attention belongs here. Think about turning the heating blanket to five or moving in for a spoon session with your significant other. Es fabuloso, verdad? Si, es rico!

Buddies have already planted a seed about playing golf. In the dead of winter? We’ve had rounds on Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve. May as well add the day after Super Bowl LIV. Can walk off remnants of all those chicken wings, tacos, dips, hot dogs and other menu items gorged during the three-hour extravaganza.

Super Bowl Sunday ranks as the U.S. second biggest eating day with Thanksgiving atop that list. Consider that 700 million chickens will lay down their lives in order for celebrants to devour or, at least prepare, an estimated 1.33 billion chicken wings. Sure, recipes exist to reduce calories for wings but in the land of Sodom and Some More, uh, forget about making low-fat, low-calorie chicken wings.

Add 28,000,000 pounds of chips, 8,000,000 pounds of guacamole, plus, hot dogs, pizza and hamburgers stuff appetites as the average Super Bowl celebrant consumes 11,000 calories during the game. Mind you, the slacks or pants a person fit into Saturday morning may leave no wiggle room come Monday morning.

With marijuana moving toward legalization, statistics will eventually include numbers for pounds of weed smoked for the NFL showdown. Percy Harvin, a former NFL star told Bleacher Report that he smoked marijuana throughout his career, a way to cure anxiety issues.

“There’s not a game — not a game — I played in that I wasn’t high,” Harvin said.

Americans guzzle lots of beer during the game but it’s ridiculous to think that we drink an alleged 325.5 million gallons of beer on Super Bowl Sunday. Stop, please. Ten cans per person? No drinking here which means that one of my degenerate friends downs 20 cans. If you believe this number (we remain skeptical), every man, woman, and child—all 316 million of us—would have to drink just over a gallon of the good stuff. That’s 128 ounces, or about 10 cans.

Nothing more calming than driving home from a Super Bowl party knowing that one can pass any police breathalyzer test although beware of intoxicated drivers. Automobile crashes increase on Super Bowl Sunday, apparently up in the state of the losing team.

Here’s information that may help determine whether you stay home on Monday. While the American work ethic may have lost energy, consider this amazing statistic. A total of 768 million vacation days went unused in 2018, a 9% increase from 2017. Of those, 236 million were completely forfeited, which computes to $65.5 billion in lost benefits.

Meanwhile, we know that most workers never even use a modest amount of sick time although the premise here maintains that people who show up under the weather should be quarantined in a remote work area.

Want a debate topic other than conversations about politics? What’s a personal day? Does your boss need advanced notice of you needing a personal day or can you wake up the day after the Super Bowl or some day in July and declare — I need a personal day.

Me? Feeling a little tickle in my throat. Better check Workday for an up-to-date statement on my time allotment.

Go Chiefs! Go 49ers!. Bet the over.