A couple of views on the big game from Jeff and L.A.
Today is a bittersweet day, as this will be my final “What Else is On TV Besides the Super Bowl” column. Oh sure, it’s a fun little thing I’ve been doing in this space for years, but it’s run its course. Why? Because streaming didn’t exist when I started doing this. Neither did on-demand. DVRs were barely a thing.
In short, I’m old enough to remember that if you wanted to watch TV, you were beholden to whatever was on. These days … well, these days, I never never - scroll through the channel guide. I never “see what’s on.” I just watch what I want, when I want.
All right. Enough preamble. Once more, for old time’s sake, your 2020 Alternatives to the Super Bowl include …
“The Love Boat” at 6 p.m. on MeTV. This is from 1978, season one, and features guest appearances by Frankie Avalon, Shelley Winters, Jamie Farr, Patty Duke, Barbi Benton, and Ricky Nelson. I mean, you cannot get more 1978 if Jimmy Carter cruised by on roller skates.
“America’s Funniest Home Videos” at 7 p.m. on ABC. The episode will highlight “a little girl is tricked into cracking a raw egg on her head” which is known where I come from as “Call DYFS.”
“Shoe Shopping With Jane” at 7 p.m. on QVC, which is the alpha and omega of counter-programming against the Super Bowl. Bravo, QVC. I stand in awe.
“Cops” marathon on Paramount Network, in case you’re looking to see what your methhead Florida cousins are up to.
“King of Queens” marathon on TV Land, for the one person who is somehow not an NFL fan, but is a “King of Queens” fan.
“South Park” marathon on Comedy Central: Remember when Cartman was a thing? Who’s still watching this show?
“Law & Order: SVU” marathon on USA, along with a “Law & Order” marathon on WE. Go ahead and try to get that “bum-bum” sound out of your head. Seriously. Go ahead. Try.
“Sex and the City” marathon on E! This is the absolute worst. Not only is this show the polar opposite of football, it’s also on E! Instead of HBO, which means no gratuitous nudity. Just terrible.
“Breaking Bad” marathon on AMC: I know I’m in the minority on this one, but I binged this show a year or so ago, and overall? Meh.
“Worst Cooks in America” on the Food Network at 8 p.m. Silly show, and this episode - titled, “Chinese New Year” - is a little too coronavirus-y for my tastes.
“Puppy Bowl XVI” on Animal Planet. Now we’re cooking. This is a nice diversion for a few moments, watching puppies frolic. I can’t believe this is already the XVIth year they’re doing this. Time flies, eh?
“Back to the Future” marathon on Freeform: This I can get behind. Recently re-watched all three of these with my son, and he loved them. Totally holds up. I could see actually flipping over to check this out at some point.
“Dr. Pimple Popper” on TLC, from 7 p.m. until the sweet release of death saves me from this horror show.
“Impractical Jokers” marathon on TruTV. Very funny show. Impossible not to laugh. Also, hearing rumors that Murr moved to Princeton. Can anyone confirm?
“Hitler” on American History Channel for some light viewing.
“Love at First Bark” on the Hallmark Channel at 7 p.m., a rousing rom-com featuring, I’m guessing, a dog. I may go back to watching Dr. Pimple Popper.
“Super Bowl Game Center” on the NFL Network, and no, this does not make any sense.
And finally …
“Three’s Company” series finale at 8:07 on LOGO, followed by the series premiere of the same at 8:37. I legit DVR’d these when I saw they were on. Love me some “Three’s Company,” and vintage Suzanne Somers is … wowza.