Jeff Edelstein: Notes from the home of a social distancer
Being that both my wife and I can work from home, and being that we have three kids, and being that I’m a congenital neurotic, and being that we’re really not supposed to go anywhere anyway … well, as I write this we’re on Day 6 of our self-imposed quarantine. Yep. Outside of going outside to ride bikes and take walks and chop wood for no good reason (see pic), we haven’t been anywhere in nearly a week.
We’re very good at this social distancing thing, as it turns out.
Of course, we’re also all walking around expecting a Mexican standoff at some point. There’s only so much to do before you go batty.
It’s not easy, this social distancing.
It’s also not easy being your kid’s teacher.
My oldest and youngest have been on spring break, but it’s “back to school” on Monday, and I can’t imagine that transition is going to be smooth. Meanwhile, my middle kid has been locked in the attic with my wife doing her schoolwork. She’s special needs, and as it turns out - who knew? - special needs home instruction isn’t easy. At least that’s my guess, as when my wife comes down from the attic she looks like she just tussled with a tornado. I don’t dare ask.
While that’s been going on, I’ve been trying to keep the other two off electronics as long as possible each day. Some days we last until noon or so; other days, around 5:30. And that’s the a.m., for the record.
As for me? Well, without being able to play NBA daily fantasy sports to keep my mind off the coronavirus, I needed to fill my time. So now I’m playing League of Legends daily fantasy sports, which - and I wish I was kidding - is a bunch of Chinese kids (as in, literally in China) playing a videogame and I’m betting on it.
Times are tough, you do what you can to get by.
Also been playing Texas Hold ‘Em online. Thank goodness for online casinos. (And before you think I’m about to go broke, I’m playing dime stakes. Sometimes quarter. Just passes the time.)
And oh yeah - I’m working, though that’s not exactly been a fruitful endeavor. On good weeks, I struggle to come up with four decent column ideas. Now that 95% of the world is shut down, so goes about 95% of my column material. Not to mention, I don’t want to write somber coronavirus stuff everyday.
On the flip side, I don’t want to make light of the situation either. Hence - at least for the time being - I’ve put off my “What’s Worse? The Nazis or COVID-19?” column. (Though if there’s a public demand for it, please, let me know and I’ll get crackin’.)
As for my wife? She’s somehow holding us all together and making truly delicious dinners, so no real change for her over there on that score. Honestly, when this is all over, I think wives are going to be held in even higher esteem. I have a feeling women are handling all of this a lot better than men. In fact, I guarantee it.
Then of course there’s Rico the Dog, the big winner in the social distancing game. He’s never had more attention in his life.
All in all? Bored, mostly, but making due. Things will get better for everyone once spring truly springs, as warm, fresh air feels like a jackpot situation right now.
One last thought today: These are crazy f ***** g times.