Watch your money go up, if this balloon law passes in NJ
Why nearly all politicians are their own special form of jackass, volume 67,382,181 (with a hat tip to SaveJersey, otherwise this would’ve escaped my eyes): It’s because of a bill introduced by Assemblyman Eric Houghtaling. He’s over yonder there in District 11, Monmouth County, and he’s clearly a man with good intentions.
The bill in question seeks to ban the release of balloons into the sky. You know, you get a helium-filled balloon, you release it, you “ooh” and “aah” as it slowly disappears, the end.
Except, unfortunately, it’s not the end. As it turns out, these balloons eventually come back to Earth, where they can be mistaken for food by marine life. Some of these marine creatures will then attempt to eat said balloon, causing injury and/or death. That’s sad, for sure.
So Houghtaling’s bill seeks to end this practice, making it illegal to not only let balloons go, but also to leave a tethered balloon unattended. You know, like at a picnic. Or on a mailbox, announcing a birth. Or wherever.
Government overreach? Undoubtedly. The Balloon Council they really exist, not making that up, and even better, they’re based in Trenton - notes balloon waste makes up less than 1% of debris picked up along our shorelines. But even Big Balloon notes letting go of balloons is not the best idea, and they’ve been working to educate consumers to try and cut it out.
Again: Objectively speaking, letting go of balloons is not ideal. We should try to not do it. Pretty sure a small educational campaign - heck, make it a 5-minute conversation during 4th grade Social Studies or something - would do wonders to help prevent future generations from accidentally killing turtles with a birthday balloon.
But Houghtaling’s approach to the problem?
He wants to fine you $1,000 for letting go of a balloon, and $2,000 for leaving a tethered balloon unattended. This is not a typo, no extra zeroes, nothing. This law passes and you tie a balloon to your mailbox, you can expect a $2,000 fine.
Just for the sake of comparison, getting a DWI is a $300-$500 fine. Which means, by Houghtaling’s logic, the potential death of a turtle could be worth nearly seven times as much as the potential death of me. (By the way, you would need to be on your third DWI to get a $1,000 fine.)
Listen: You want to ban the intentional release of balloons, you want to ban leaving them unattended? Wonderful. Go ahead and ban them. But to fine me $2,000 for it? I mean … is this guy insane? I honestly think he may be. Here we are, in the middle of a global pandemic, millions of jobs lost, over 100,000 dead, protests in the streets, and Houghtaling wants to fine us upwards of 2G’s for tying some balloons to a picnic bench. I’m not a big fan of monetary fines to begin with - after all, if I was a millionaire, what’s a few grand to me? - but this is ludicrous.
I can only hope cooler heads prevail, and if this legislation makes it to the floor, it can be modified to … well, to nothing at all. There should be no penalty, financial or otherwise, for letting a balloon fly off into the sky. Public campaigns to discourage it? Sure. But reaching into the pockets of hard-working New Jerseyans and robbing them all because they were oh-so-reckless with a flipping balloon? It’s maddening. I’m eyeing up my pitchfork and torch combo (Home Depot, $29, a steal).
Again, I’m sure Houghtaling means well. But this bill is atrocious. It may actually be the single most ridiculous piece of legislation I’ve ever seen.