2020 election has me longing for hanging chads
Remember the 2000 presidential election? Hanging chads and all that? At the time, it felt like the biggest pivot point of our lifetimes. George W. Bush vs. Al Gore, the soul of our country at stake, and it came down to a handful of votes, a lot of backroom maneuvering, and a Supreme Court decision.
What I wouldn’t give for a return to that time.
I mean really: American was clearly the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world. The USSR was a distant memory, we were in the midst of the Internet boom and outstanding economic times, the future was so, so, so rosy.
Hell, the biggest issue America faced in the 1990s was Bill Clinton and his sexual desires.
Fast forward 20 years. This presidential election - which is only 84(!) days from now - will make the drama surrounding the 2000 election look like a couple of kids playing tiddlywinks.
I would be thrilled if this election depended on a few Florida votes that necessitated a Supreme Court decision.
Instead, I can see this thing going sideways in ways we can’t even fathom. So much can change between now and the election. Fact is, 84 days these days is a few lifetimes. (Don’t believe me? Go back 84 days from today. It was May 12. You were wiping down groceries outside your front door and your kids hadn’t seen another human in two months.) Would it surprise anyone - on either side of the aisle - if Trump pulled out all the stops in an effort to postpone the election (an idea he’s already floated on Twitter) or, if he were to lose, to do everything in his power to overturn the results?
For my money, hanging chads — madman seeking to hold on to power.
I know saying these things makes me look like a conspiracymad crazy person, but when in Rome, right?
To be perfectly clear, I am not on Team Trump as we hurtle toward November, for reasons too numerous to list here, though I’ll try:
1) I don’t like the cut of his jib. For the record - and to aggravate everyone on the other side of the coin - I’m not exactly on Team Biden either. The guy does seem a little addled, and while that worked out fine during the latter Reagan years, I’m not entirely sure that’s what we’re looking for in a leader these days. (Sidenote, in a column full of ‘em: How the (bleep) are we stuck with these two as our choices for president? How is there not someone who’s A) smart, B) has all their faculties, and C) not old enough to remember the debut of the color television? If there was ever a time for a youthful president who we’re all reasonably certain could successfully compete on “Wheel of Fortune,” now is that time. Instead we have Trump and Biden, which can be rearranged to spell “burped mint,” which is exactly what I assume they each smell like.) (Where was I … oh yes. The fear and loathing I have concerning the 2020 election …)
In what world can I slide into where I can turn on CNN or Fox at 11 p.m. election night and see the election called for the winner and the loser giving a concession speech? Because that’s the world I’d like to slide into. The chances of that happening in the 2020 election are … well, “zero” would be stretching things, but “about as unlikely as an oak tree sprouting from my belly button” seems about right.
Where have you gone hanging chad? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.