War­ring kids are bar­ri­ers in cou­ple’s re­la­tion­ship

The Trentonian (Trenton, NJ) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - Dear Abby

DEAR­ABBY » I got mar­ried to a won­der­ful guy 14 years ago, but af­ter a year of mar­riage, our chil­dren (his 10-year-old and my 12- and 13-yearolds) couldn’t stand one another and caused a lot of prob­lems. I was bro­ken­hearted when he gave me di­vorce pa­pers. I moved out but con­tin­ued to date him with­out our kids around.

Seven years ago, af­ter his son moved out, I moved back in, but he won’t ask me to re­marry him. My kids get along fine with him, but his son hates me and re­fuses to come to any hol­i­day or birth­day cel­e­bra­tion that I host.

Should I move out and move on? I feel like I have wasted 14 years of my life. — Hope­less

in Ohio

DEARHOPELE­SS » I wish you had men­tioned why this “won­der­ful guy’s” son hates you. Could it be he blames you for the fail­ure of his par­ents’ mar­riage, or was it some­thing else? That this man has al­lowed his son to dic­tate how the two of you will spend your lives is very sad. Un­less you can ac­cept liv­ing with the sta­tus quo (which has to be painful), the an­swer to your ques­tion is: Move on.

DEAR­ABBY » In 2014, I loaned a fam­ily friend $5,000. At the time, and ever since, I never asked the rea­son for the loan. Over time we lost touch. How­ever, we re­cently re­con­nected and de­cided to go on a road/camp­ing trip through­out the West.

Three days in, we both re­al­ized it was a poor idea to travel to­gether for an ex­tended pe­riod of time.

He has now be­come quite nasty and speaks ill of me. Should I write and re­quest pay­ment of the loan or let it go?

— Out of pocket

in Ve­gas

DEAROUTOFP­OCKET » If you had the fore­thought to put IN WRIT­ING the fact you were lend­ing this per­son money, you have a prayer of hav­ing the loan re­paid. If you didn’t, you can try writ­ing to this fam­ily (for­mer) friend, but legally it won’t be worth the pa­per your let­ter is writ­ten on. If that’s the case, con­sider this an ex­pen­sive les­son.

P.S. Be­cause no ef­fort was made over the last six years to re­pay your gen­eros­ity, your road trip was doomed be­fore it started.

DEAR­ABBY » I have a very good friend I’ve known for 18 years. With­out fail, ev­ery time we’re on the phone and she gets another call, she’ll say, “Oh, let me call you right back,” but she never does. Some­times days will go by un­til I call her or she calls me, and then she acts like noth­ing hap­pened.

We could be in the mid­dle of a con­ver­sa­tion but she doesn’t call back. Or, she’ll call me while she’s driv­ing some­where and end the call when she has ar­rived at her des­ti­na­tion, if she hasn’t al­ready hung up to take another call.

Is she a true friend? What should I say or do? Af­ter years of feel­ing unim­por­tant in her life, it has re­ally started to get to me lately.

— Not fin­ished in the East

DEARNOTFIN­ISHED » Your long­time friend is in­con­sid­er­ate. Rather than wait end­lessly, call HER back the same day. And when you do, tell her ex­actly how her lack of con­cern for your feel­ings has made you feel. Do not, how­ever, ex­pect her to like it, be­cause in­con­sid­er­ate peo­ple rarely do when it is pointed out to them.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.Dear­Abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For ev­ery­thing you need to know about wed­ding plan­ning, or­der “How to Have a Lovely Wed­ding.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wed­ding Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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