WW and gratitude for 50 years
(Personal note: I do not mention businesses in my column because it might be misconstrued as advertising. However, I mention WW in this column, not as an endorsement nor to promote them but to further illustrate the full arc of this piece. Thank you for understanding.)
Nov. 19, 2020; last week was my 50th anniversary of joining Weight Watchers. I was 16. At a time when obesity was unheard of among children, I was the fat kid; mercilessly teased and tormented due to my size. I repeatedly attempted to lose weight on so many diets that I cannot remember most of them. Nothing worked. By high school, I had given up hope.
My parents, having attended their first meeting, brought home scales, measuring cups, and a whole lot of booklets. Being a nerdy teen, the concept of measuring fascinated me and I asked if I could attend. I think they were delighted; however, they didn’t show it, instead simply saying, “Yes.”
So, it began.
It was rare to have a teenager, let alone a boy, in meetings. My parents quit and I quickly became part of a family of what I considered to be “old women” who took me under their wings. (They were probably in their 30s and 40s but remember, I was 16.) I dropped almost 100 pounds and achieved my correct weight for the first time in my life, graduating high school as a skinny teen.
Over the next several years, old habits returned and I ballooned up again. While living in Redding in 1978, I returned to WW; this time, dropping 80 pounds. Upon achieving goal weight, I was recruited to work for WW as a lecturer. At that point, it was my proudest accomplishment. I led two meetings a week, one with 80 people; the other with 50. I was having the time of my life, surrounded by over 100 women a week who loved my sense of humor and found me to be motivational. One of them introduced me to her daughter who eventually became my first wife.
Upon moving to Bakersfield in 1980, WW found a position for me. In 1983, I was honored as one of the 20 members most exemplifying the program philosophy and was rewarded with a trip to New York City to meet the founder of WW as part of its 20th Anniversary. Shortly thereafter, I moved to Eureka and continued as a lecturer in Humboldt.
As my marriage soured, I let it affect my well-being and put my weight back on, causing me to quit WW. I wanted to “come home” but was ashamed of what others would think about me; after all, I had been in front of the room a few years ago but had to return to sitting in the chairs again. I reluctantly re-joined shortly after my 39th birthday — humiliated and embarrassed — but committing to being at my correct weight again by my fortieth birthday. Upon doing so, I was rehired and have continued to work in some capacity with WW for the last 26 years.
What have I learned? Too often, people focus on overeating as a habit; that’s incorrect. We engage in destructive behaviors because our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs drive us in that direction. Eating too much is not the habit; the thought cycle is the habit.
If shame and guilt were motivational, we’d all be skinny. It doesn’t work. Kindness and compassion elicit positive change; not mental brutality. If we said out loud to children what we say to ourselves in our heads, we’d be locked up for child abuse.
Perfectionism is a curse. Not only does the misguided attempt to be perfect block improvement; it’s an excuse to avoid having to do the necessary work of change. After all, if the sole definition of success is to fit 100 percent in “a box” and we know we never will, why bother? As stated on the college bumper sticker, “Flunk now, avoid the June rush.”
What has been constant?
To this day, my weight continues to be a struggle. Yet, ironically, it gave me my greatest gifts. Without the lessons I’ve learned, I would not have been able to help thousands of others. I don’t think I would have the empathy, kindness, or compassion I believe I possess; three of my proudest traits. I would not have my sons, nor my wife of 26 years. My speaking and writing career? Wouldn’t have happened.
It’s hard to believe I would have been as happy as I am.
Might I have arrived here via another road? Possibly. But, it wasn’t my path to take, and yet here I am.
All I know is I am grateful.
About the author: Scott “Q” Marcus is a professional speaker and founder of www.Thistimeimeanit.com, where he can be contacted for coaching, consulting, and presentations. During this social distancing period, he is conducting monthly online workshops on setting goals and getting past what holds you back. You can find out more at www.Thistimeimeanit.com/intentions.