Extreme judgment might lead to radical acceptance

DEAR AMY >> I recently decided to move back in with my mom and younger sister for the remainder of the pandemic.

The problem is that I find myself thinking extremely unkind things about them, because both of them are overweight.

I find myself thinking almost obsessively about how gross I find their bodies and feeling angry about how they eat and their unhealthy lifestyle.

Maybe some of this comes from the fact that I’ve been nervous about my own weight — more so during the pandemic.

Do you have advice on how to be kinder and less judgmental?

How to get space from mean, prejudiced thought patterns? I don’t want to be this way.

I have a therapist, but I actually think I’ve been too embarrassed to be honest about how ugly my internal monologue is, because I’m disgusted by it.

— Secret Mean Girl

DEAR MEAN GIRL >> I give you credit for admitting how your harsh judgment of others affects your own self- esteem.

If you come from a family where people compulsively eat their feelings ( been there, eaten that), being back home triggers your own fears of disordered eating.

Sometimes, our harshest judgments of others will reveal our own vulnerabilities.

This may seem a little out there, but I believe that you and your family members are all struggling with a concept widely defined as “selflove.” They both soothe and punish themselves by overeating. You punish yourself by hating your own attitude.

Look into the concept of “radical acceptance.”

Learning to truly accept a situation or person while exposed to their faults and frailties will liberate you.

I think of this as learning to love people “... anyway.”

Tell your therapist! Exposing the thing you hate about yourself is how you will begin to heal.

DEAR AMY >> Wow, you really woke up on the wrong side of the bong with you idiotic answer to “Smoked Out,” the housewife who didn’t like her husband’s daily pot smoking habit.

You described this guy as “always more- or-less baked.” That is untrue!

— You’re Wrong

DEAR WRONG >> If someone smokes off and on, all day long (as this man did), it stands to reason that the effects would stay in his system. Otherwise, why smoke at all?