Hot and dusty traveler has to beg for water

DEAR AMY >> Several times now, I have been invited to visit the homes of old friends during my travels to distant states, but when I have done that, I’ve been surprised at how inhospitable some people are.

They know when I will be there, and I make sure to call an hour before arriving. Just last week, I visited a person I have known since grade school.

She was waiting for me on her porch.

It was very hot, and I had driven for hours. She was sipping iced tea. I had to ask for a glass of water.

Then she announced that I would take her out for lunch (that is, I had to pay) and that would be enough for us to eat for the rest of the day.

She did offer for me to stay there that night.

Several times, I had to ask for a glass of water. It was 95 degrees out. After chatting all day, I was shown my bed. No shower or towels were offered.

I got up early and her husband was making a cup of Keurig coffee for himself.

I waited for him to offer me a cup, but he did not. I asked for a glass of water. When I left (fled), this friend said, “Oh, come back and visit next year.”

I just cannot imagine treating a guest this way. What do you think?

— Upset Guest

DEAR UPSET >> I agree that this is not the way to treat a guest.

Some people don’t seem to have the skill set to roll out the welcome mat, and this might be because they are not well-traveled, themselves. One way to learn how to be a gracious host is to have the experience of being a grateful guest.

However, I’m not sure you really qualify as a fully-invited guest, because you seem to have reached out to these friends as more of a waystation during your travels.

Years ago, I had a distant friend call at the very last minute and I offered her a bed for the night. She brought her own sheets and towel, tea, granola, etc., almost as if she were camping. I was impressed that she was so prepared to be such a lowtrace guest.

You might feel less putout and thirsty if you had brought a few of your own supplies — just in case. DEAR AMY >> The letter from “Blank Slate Mom,” who’d had her parental rights terminated, was one of the saddest I’ve read in a long time.

You calling her an “inadequate parent” was piling on — and totally obnoxious.

I’m disappointed — in you.

— Upset

DEAR UPSET >> The reason I called this mother “inadequate,” was because in her question, she claimed that she wasn’t “an inadequate mother.” However, abandoning your young child and moving several states away is the very definition of “inadequate,” and I wanted to make that clear.