Stepchild would like dad to leave stepmom at home

DEAR AMY >> My stepmother has been in my life since I was 15. There was a lot of trauma living with her. For years,

I would have recurring nightmares of her berating me. I would wake up crying.

Her behavior puts a severe strain on my relationship with my father.

Recently, I discovered she has posted odd photos of the exterior of my home with cryptic messages to social media.

While she has never exhibited violent behavior, I felt very uneasy to know she has been standing outside my home taking pictures.

When I confronted my father, he just ignored it. He is uncomfortable having crucial conversations.

I don’t know how to get my father to respect my wishes.

Recently we argued because he wanted to come over to barbecue — and bring her along.

I put my foot down and said absolutely not, she is not welcome in my home, but he yelled at me and said that I’m selfish.

I’m 45 years old. I have my own family and no longer care to be around someone who is always so mean-spirited.

Do I have any hope of getting my dad to come around and have a relationship with me and his grandkids that doesn’t include her?

— Tired of Toxicity

DEAR TIRED >> I’m so sorry that your father didn’t protect you — or at least advocate for you — when you were a teenager and being verbally abused by his wife.

Given that he didn’t protect you then, and won’t engage about this now, I think it is very unlikely that he will cooperate when it comes to any conditions you try to impose.

Based on how you describe this, you seem to be trying to do for your children what your father didn’t do for you when you were young. That’s a parent’s job, and you’re doing it.

You have laid down some clear boundaries and your father can either respect them and see you and the children occasionally on his own, or he can berate you and call you selfish for trying to be a more protective parent than he was. The choice, really, is his.

DEAR AMY >> I hated your response to “Concerned in DC.” This person was worried about his wife’s “negativity” due to political differences.

Please, Amy, keep your politics to yourself. I read this column for entertainment, not to be lectured by you.

— Former Reader

DEAR READER >> “Politics” seems to have surfaced recently as a point of conflict. That’s why I cover the topic in my column.

I have reviewed my response to “Concerned” with a finely pointed pencil — never once do I mention my own political point of view.