Proud papa wants to stop crop top

DEAR AMY >> I am the proud papa of a brilliant, beautiful, 18-year-old daughter. She is thriving as a freshman in college.

She came home recently for Thanksgiving wearing a “crop top,” exposing her stomach (we live in a very warm climate).

She is 20 pounds overweight. I know she doesn’t need to be reminded of this, as she is aware and diligently working out at the gym.

She walks everywhere she needs to go, and we purchased her a bike for her to use at school, so she rides that, too.

How do I (or should I) tell my daughter that crop tops are just not the best look for her?

I was going to say something while she was with us, but I chickened out and decided to write to you instead. — Proud Papa

DEAR PAPA >> You might believe that you “chickened out,” but I believe that your instincts kicked in, telling you how potentially damaging your remarks might have been to your daughter’s self-esteem.

She is already aware of and handling her weight in a healthy way. It might seem petty to you, but a critical remark, especially from her dad, could derail her progress, or (much worse) inspire disordered eating.

Your daughter, like all daughters, is literally surrounded by cues and images about what her body should look like.

The last thing she needs is her father joining in, scrutinizing and critiquing her body. (Make no mistake, if you criticized what she was wearing, she would have immediately drawn a straight line between the words you said, and what she believed you really meant to say.)

Even a light teasing (or well-meaning) remark regarding your daughter’s weight or how she looks can backfire.

The reason your attitude matters so much is because you are your brilliant, beautiful daughter’s beloved “papa.” You are, quite literally, The Man.

Confine any constructive criticism to her school performance, her driving skills, her work around the house.

Keep your opinion about her crop top to yourself.

DEAR AMY >> “Deflated Post Wedding” described his disappointment when his daughter didn’t personally greet her aunt and uncle at her wedding. He planned to tell her that his brother was offended and disappointed not to be greeted.

Amy, you blew it. You should have advised this dad that his brother should have conveyed his disappointment to the bride directly — not going through the dad.

These adults should not use him as a go-between.