Weight loss brings change

Dear Harriette: Now that I've lost weight, my friends are treating me differently. I was always the heavier friend. Last year I started my fitness journey, and it's done wonders for my self-esteem. I dress nicer, I go out more and I'm just a noticeably happier person.

I noticed a few months ago that my friends don't treat me the same as they did when I was bigger. It's pretty subtle, but I went from being invited everywhere with them to only getting the invites for certain things. One friend in particular made a comment about how “cocky” I've become. There's no way I'm cocky. I think they're just used to me having no confidence at all, so they don't know how to deal with the confident version of me. How do I handle this? — New Confidence

Dear New Confidence: Start by talking to that friend. Rather than being defensive, ask questions. Find out what, specifically, that friend was talking about when referring to you as cocky. Ask what they think you are doing differently now. Listen carefully so that you can get a sense of what's on their mind.

Acknowledge that your life has changed. As you have lost weight, you are developing self-confidence, something you had little of before. Tell your friend that your life feels different. Describe what you like about getting healthier and what is challenging you. Among those challenges is the changing dynamic of your friend group.

Tell this friend and then the larger group that you see that they are treating you differently. Ask why.

Tell them what you want. If that is to stay close to them, talk it out to determine what will make both sides happy. Know, too, that you may need to expand or re-curate your friend group.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews Mcmeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.