A Grander old party with Bruce

Bruce Anderson, forever the editor of Boonville's (and the world's) Anderson Valley Advertiser, has a reputation near, far and in between as a rousing, relentless leftist.

His political image is so well established no one bothers question it. He's Peace & Freedom this, longshoreman union that, I.F. Stone back then, Bernie right now, arrested occasionally and guilty of every damnable socialist notion that's surfaced since I've been keeping count.

Which is nigh on 50 years. But over the past 10 or so I've had creeping doubts about his dedication to leftism. I see him in public, I scrutinize his writings and I say “By golly, he's really just a slightly whacky conservative. But no.

“H-h-he's . . . a . . . REPUBLICAN!!”

Bear with me and count the ways:

1

Dresses neat and spiff like Robert Taft, always in a sport coat, often a vest, sometimes a tie. Nice shoes. Trousers pressed. Doesn't own a Hawaiian shirt, Birkenstocks or blue jeans, which is parade dress uniform for Democrats.

2

Well-spoken and polite, willing to hear those with opposing viewpoints, never interrupts. (The very model of oldfashioned Gop-like politeness.)

3

Thinks movies from France are crap.

4

Never been a vegetarian or vegan; eats whatever he wants and whatever's on the menu.

5

Never had his astrological chart drawn up, might not know he's a Leo. No reported history of aura or chakra malfunctions. (Foundational material for progressives.)

6

Married (never divorced) to a female woman (I know, I know! The evidence just keeps piling up!!)

7

Believes Joe Biden is the victim of elder abuse, routinely exposed to public ridicule, forced to take unwitting blame for idiocies generated by Democrats who duck responsibility for acts they'd otherwise have to explain in a re-election campaign. (NOTE: Yes, Mr. Anderson has a warm spot for AOC but who doesn't? Cute as a bug, right?)

8

U.S. Marine and a strong proponent of 2nd Amendment rights, gun owner for many years. (No interest in hunting; self protection only).

9

Big fan of the National Pastime, our great all-american game of baseball. Democrats love women's basketball, frisbee golf, soccer and women's soccer”. Lifelong jock, probably regrets abandoning promising career as a hard-throwing righthander in favor of advanced poetry studies

10

Drinks Coors beer, Maker's Mark whiskey. Has not indulged in marijuana, cocaine or fentanyl over the decades; no Democrat can boast such a history.

11

Bruce is convinced Redwood Community Services is a batch of sharpies gouging the public with expensive, redundant, useless social programs that serve to enrich high-ranking employees while keeping the mentally ill and impoverished right where they belong. Further, thinks most / all nonprofit organizations are in reality jobs programs for connected Democrats. This view leaves him alone among lefties from here to San Diego. 12

Will go to his grave never having driven a Prius.

13

Vigorously opposed to rise in pornography and other permissive sexual behavior in society, including gays parading around naked in SF.

14

Told the world he'd take a blowtorch to his testicles before voting for Hillary Clinton.

15

Thinks Donald Trump is akin to a cartoon character (other Republicans think and say the same) to his calm assessment of Trump supporters is utterly out of synch with every other spittle-spitting lefty. Bruce: “The MAGAS aren't deceived or deluded so much as they're totally rejecting the repellent crew of National Lib's and Big Lib's seeming endorsement of everything wrong in America . . .” Sound like a Progressive Dem to you?

16

Allergic to rock n roll in all its permutations. Has been to one (1) music act in his life (Miss Peggy Lee) but it left no marks.

Yes, Mr. Anderson retains a fierce commitment to leftist causes, but shrinks assure me this is a remnant of a youthful commitment to helping underdogs and those marginalized by society at large. When Bruce realizes how oppressed and downtrodden California Republicans have become he'll commit apostasy, get his shoes shined and attend annual Conservative Days BBQ & Convention in Turlock, July 17-20.

Then he'll run for Congress against Jared Huffman, and not in the primaries.

Seems semi-plausible when you stack the deck and paragraphs like that, doesn't it?