Navigating the road from `never' to `now'

Changing a bad habit can be messy, frustrating and unpleasant. After all, if it was easy, we'd all be dropping bad habits willy-nilly, wouldn't we?

It becomes easier if, instead of looking at it like, “One moment I'm here and the next minute I have to be all the way over there,” we understand it more as a series of stages.

The first stage through which we must all pass is

Eventually, the endless, relentless pounding of thoughts and observations wears down the resistance and we decide to — for example — lose a few pounds, accepting that there are only other two options: forever gaining weight or making a change. Reluctantly, begrudgingly, we land firmly in stage one: “Never.”

In this stage, thoughts and feelings are extremely negative, based on the perception that it will take an excessive, laborious amount of work and discomfort for what appears to be a pipe dream result. Our internal dialogue is, “I will never be able to do that” with the obvious coda being, “… so why bother to try?”

In this example, the thought of sweaty, painful exercise, a starvation level diet, anal-retentive tracking of calories, tasteless recipes, extensive shopping pattern adjustments and — in general — being forever, always, never-ending conscious triggers our synapses to scream, “No way! Can't be done, ain't gonna happen.” Crossing our arms, scowling and firmly planting our feet, we refuse to budge.

Or so we think.

You see, the problem is that once consciousness has been raised, it cannot never again be buried. Therefore, even though convinced the goal is “impossible,” it continually nags, like a small pebble in our shoe. Shake your foot all you want to try and resituate it, eventually you're just going to have to remove your footwear and deal with it.

So, after extensive rationalization, but unable to quiet the self-critical thought tornado in our head, we eventually transition to the “might” stage. Internal dialogue morphs to, “Hmmm … it might be possible for some people, but not me.”

Our view is now outward, causing us to become somewhat more hopeful than in the prior stage. Yet, our intention remains resistance, attempting to validate excuses why we cannot move forward, rather than search out how we can. Although now cognizant of others' successes, the reaction is to immediately assert why their situation is “different” and how it won't apply to us.

Nonetheless, the wall is breaking down.

As the pain of stagnation increases and resistance decreases, we eventually shift to “Maybe.”

“Maybe — just possibly — I could make a few minor changes.” Dipping our big toe in the water, we decide to walk a few minutes each day or explore a fat-free recipe. Possibly, we add more vegetables to our daily diet.

It's a confusing and tiring period because it's the point where we are transitioning from old thoughts to new actions. Everything appears to require unrelenting, nonstop, 24/7, attention and preparation. This is the most difficult phase because old habits do not die easily and like a dysfunctional partner realizing he's being left behind, it pulls out all the old tricks to seduce us back to unconsciousness.

Yet, upon resisting the siren song, we arrive at “now.”

Here, we shift from possible to definite, from “trying” to “doing.” Our present tense has transformed from where we were to where we are. Although relapse is always possible, the fresh, different routine is locking in where the old one lived, filling its void with more healthful and happier thoughts. The storm is passing.

The process from “never” to “now” is not linear, nor does it happen quickly, yet it does occur — little by little, stage by stage, one step at a time.

Scott “Q” Marcus is the CRP (Chief Recovering Perfectionist) of www. Thistimeimeanit. com and the founder of the inspirational Facebook Group, Intentions Affirmations Manifestations. This is the last week to sign up for his five-week weight loss series at https://shop. csl.org/product/healthymind-healthy-body.