A potential parent ponders possibilities

DEAR AMY >> I have three siblings. We're all very different. Two of us get along well with our father — and one sibling does not.

We were all basically raised the same way. It's just a personality clash.

I'm at the age where most of my friends are having children, and my wife and I are considering having kids ourselves.

No one can predict the type of child they will get.

Sometimes I want children, and other times I think of myself arguing with a teenager and I'm terrified.

How can anyone know if they would be a good parent or if they would enjoy it?

— Anonymous

DEAR ANONYMOUS >> Parenting is a great leap into the unknown. You can never know in advance what your child's temperament will be like, or what health issues might arise that could greatly refocus your life.

I do think that some people are simply oriented toward children. They see children as fascinating and try mightily to connect with them — even when the most obstreperous toddler throws a tantrum in their path.

Other adults only discover their capacities once they have children of their own.

Many people experience a genuine shift once they have children: A parent's heart grows, compassion deepens, and their capacities expand in response to a child's vulnerability. Plus, babies are entrancing, young children are hilarious, and adolescents fill your life with intrigue.

No one on the planet looks forward to arguing with a teenager, and yet if said teenager was once your own obstreperous toddler, most parents manage to get through this phase because they've grown enough as people to push up their sleeves and wade in.

Do you connect with your friends' children — or your nephews and nieces — in a special way? Do you have a strong instinct that having a child will somehow “complete your family?” Then you might be ready to take the leap into this humbling and profound human experience.

DEAR AMY >> I thought that your response to “Reluctant Grandma,” (the grandmother who didn't feel comfortable hosting a baby shower for her son and his partner due to the fact that they weren't married) was mean spirited and unfair. The grandmother has every right to her feelings and or beliefs and she shouldn't have been made to feel bad or put down as you did. You were really hard on her. I hope that your response didn't make her change her mind. — Upset

DEAR UPSET >> I hope my response — harsh as it was — did make her change her mind. My intention was not to pressure this grandmother to host a shower. I was hoping to actually change the way she is thinking about and framing the birth of this child into her family.