How to address hurtful behavior

DEAR HARRIETTE >> My husband's actions are hurting me, but I am torn because I don't want to have a broken family, so I find myself constantly fighting back. His behavior toward me is causing emotional pain and distress. Despite this, I am hesitant to consider separation or divorce because I worry about the impact it would have on our family and our child. Therefore, I find myself engaging in arguments and trying to defend myself, hoping that things will improve.

How can I address the hurtful behavior while still maintaining a stable and loving family environment? Is there a way to find a resolution without sacrificing my own well-being?

— Emotional Distress

DEAR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS >> Do you think your husband would be willing to go to couples therapy with you? With a therapist as a referee, you may be able to acquire strategies for managing conflict that can help you work through issues without feeling debilitated. If he refuses, you should consider going on your own. Having professional help will support you in evaluating your life, your behavior and your next steps. Perhaps you will be able to learn ways to engage your husband differently that help yield better interaction with you.

You also may discover that you cannot bear being with him. If that is the case, you will need to make a plan of action for your future. Know that you do not have the power to control his behavior. If he is unwilling to make the effort to create a healthy home environment with you, you do have the ability, however difficult it may seem, to move on and design a different, healthier home for you and your child.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.