Pandemic parenting: How to help a depressed teenager
“Dear struggling parents: It’s not just you,” said Susanna Schrobsdorff in Time.com. The past year “has made everything that’s already difficult about adolescence that much harder,” and as the pandemic drags on, many Gen Z teenagers and young adults “are now grappling with serious depression, becoming self-destructive, or losing motivation for school.” In a survey published by the American Psychological Association several months into the pandemic, no other generation reported higher levels of anxiety than those in the ages 13 to 23 cohort. Among those 18 to 23, more than 7 in 10 described themselves as miserable or unhappy, and also said they sometimes felt so tired that they sat around and did nothing. A parent doesn’t have to solve such a problem alone. The Child Mind Institute (childmind.org), a national nonprofit, can be a resource for helping to assess the situation. Also, “it’s good to remember that for many teens, having an adult who’s not you to talk to, someone they trust, can make a huge difference.”
If your child is seriously struggling, you can be a steadying force, said Rhitu Chatterjee in NPR.org. Any parent would be upset to learn a child is depressed or even suicidal, but when the child shares such thoughts, “react calmly” and “really try to listen to what your kid is saying.” Don’t make the crisis about yourself, and what you’ve done or not done. Also know that people who are clinically depressed cannot simply “buck up” and get it together. It’s important that you validate their feelings and not suggest, for example, that they’ll feel better if they exercise daily. Instead, “ask them what they need and support them in getting that help.” You can also lead by example. When parents label their own feelings and openly discuss their struggles, it gives children the emotional vocabulary they need to open up.
Of course, many depressed teens would rather confide in someone their own age, said Ellen McCarthy in The Washington Post. That’s one of many reasons that the pandemic has been “uniquely brutal” to teenagers’ mental health: “They’re missing once-reliable emotional outlets, like venting to friends between classes.” Teen Line (teenlineonline .org), a Los Angeles–based nonprofit founded in 1980, is proving to be a vital resource. The crisis line allows teens to confide in other teens—trained volunteers available to chat every evening. Many of the volunteers have struggled with their own anxiety and depression, and they’ve found that helping others gave them hope. “It’s so empowering after every shift to know that I was there for someone,” says 18-year-old Abi Raderman. “I helped someone who didn’t feel heard to be heard.”