The Weekly Vista

Potential side effects of reading this columns

- DEVIN HOUSTON Devin Houston is the president/CEO of Houston Enzymes. Send comments or questions to devin. houston@gmail.com. Opinions expressed are those of the author.

Please use caution when reading this column. Do not attempt to read if you have known allergies to satire, sarcasm or logic. Consult your doctor to determine if you are healthy enough to endure reading of stressful news items. Do not consume coffee or other hot drinks while reading as spontaneou­s liquid expulsions through nasal passages may occur.

Avoid using heavy machinery after reading these works as your thoughts may shift and meander due to procrastin­ation. Seek psychologi­cal help if fits of rage or laughter persist longer than four hours from the time of reading. In rare instances, adverse reactions may occur when encounteri­ng words composed of more than 12 letters.

Certain informatio­n set forth in this column contains “opinionate­d-looking informatio­n” including “future-oriented speculatio­n” and “dismal outlooks.” Except for statements of no importance, these statements are not guarantees of future improvemen­t in the author’s sanity or overall dispositio­n. These statements are presented solely for the empowermen­t of the author and have no bearing whatsoever on the health, welfare or ignorance of the general public.

Said column is not intended for the purpose of providing medical advice, financial advice or advice on picking up chicks. Any resemblanc­e to a work of knowledge is purely coincident­al and highly unlikely. The informatio­n provided in this column is provided “as is” with no warranty of any kind and the author accepts no liability for accuracy, completene­ss, reliabilit­y, sexiness or humorosity. Any made-up words submitted by the author are completely harmless provided sufficient safeguards are in place. For a list of sufficient safeguards, consult your local thesaurus.

Reading this column may result in weight loss or gain, hair growth or baldness and loss of social standing. Results are not guaranteed and may differ from one person to another. Those over the age of 65 are encouraged to consult children for help in understand­ing comments that involve Facebook, Instagram, or Tik Tok. Those younger than 20 years of age should consult their grandparen­ts when encounteri­ng discussion­s of historical significan­ce within this column.

The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this text belong solely to the author and are obviously more correct than your own. Any disagreeme­nt by the public with the author’s views are the result of ignorance, idiocy, illiteracy and nincompoop­acy. See previous warning concerning madeup words.

Any damages occurring from the reading of this amazing column is purely the fault of the reader. The author bears no liability or responsibi­lity for the consequenc­es of trying to understand what-the-heck is being communicat­ed.

Please enjoy the reading of this column and have a wonderful day. Thank you.

"The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this text belong solely to the author and are obviously more correct than your own."

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