'Be safe' — New greeting for changing times FATHER KEN PARKS

As I write this column, America is about to pass by a very painful statistic. More people have died from covid 19 than those who died in the Vietnam War. More firemen, police officers, doctors, nurses, medical technicians and chaplains have died than those who died on 9/11. If we ever build a covid-19 Memorial Wall, how big will it be? As a nation, we need a time to remember by name our dead.

After the Vietnam War, there were new words to use as descriptors. For example, a soldier might talk about Agent Orange and certain physical symptoms. Others returned home with the diagnosis of being “shell shocked.” As our troops returned home from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the new words spoke of post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD, an anxiety disorder due to severe psychological trauma.

Add the painful statistic that 20 veterans a day which is 7,300-plus a year commit suicide. The scientists are hard at work trying to identify and slow these factors down. Their research has also led them to conclude that when a spouse physically abuses his partner or the children, the abused can suffer from PTSD. You don’t have to wear a uniform to have PTSD.

Another factor to add to the mix that has been with us for most of my 30 years as a priest denies the survivors a closure. It just hangs in the air, occasionally trickling “guilt.” It is that the “service will be at a later date.” I fully comprehend the current conditions due to covid-19. However, without a way to follow through with services near the time of death — there are services later, perhaps even a year away — survivors suffer serious physical and emotional distress because there is no closure. We human beings grieve and need to experience a celebration of each person’s life as a treasure.

The Swiss psychiatrist, Dr. Kubler-Ross, wrote: “On Death and Dying.” I believe we are all experiencing some level of loss and grief and it would help us to look at her model, identify our loss, and make the time to take a serious look at our grief. Originally, there were five stages of grief but a sixth has been added. We must slow down and not try to “just get over it.”

First, there is an event and we experience a loss. Our normal first reactions are denial, confusion, shock and fear. Second, we become frustrated, angry and irritated. Third, there is a sense of being overwhelmed, hopeless and hostile. Fourth is bargaining and reaching out to others in search of meaning. Fifth, we pause, and we begin exploring options and making new plans. Sixth, we make the time for reflection and the creating of new spiritual habits by pausing and seeing the good. We wonder how to celebrate all our interpersonal relations and to say, “Thank you, God.”

I am very proud to be an American and among so many people that don’t need laws to force them to do the things we need to do, such as washing our hands, wearing gloves and a face mask, keeping six feet apart, and protecting me from you and you from me.

My “Have a good day” has been replaced with a new “Be safe.” Try it. “Be safe.”