Online confessions

A positive upside to covid, if I dare say so, is that technology allows us to maintain communications despite being shuttered away from places of business. While airlines and hotels lose revenue from decreased travel, most of which is derived from business activity, many companies realized better bottom lines by incurring fewer travel expenses.

I attend a number of conferences each year, which are expensive. There are fees paid to attend and set up exhibits, airline tickets, hotel room costs and meals. Prospective clients must be plied with dinners and drinks at expensive restaurants. It’s all part of doing business but gets very expensive by the end of the year.

Most of the conferences I attend were outright canceled this year. Some tried going to virtual formats with varying degrees of success. I presented at one, and I can’t tell you if it was successful. I uploaded a PowerPoint presentation, which I voiced over and recorded. The talk was posted on the conference’s website and “attendees” could view within a certain number of days. Questions from participants were collected, which I answered during a live teleconference. The whole process flowed smoother than I expected, but I’m not sure whether the outreach was comparable to a live event.

Another outcome of the pandemic is the use of teleconferencing software such as Zoom or Go To Meeting, which allow online real-time meetings with any number of attendees. You’ve seen the same on many televised shows. Hosts, usually all present together in the network studio, now signed in on their home computers. I found this interesting as I, like many, wonder what these famous media personalities have in their homes. Granted, the view is usually limited to one room selected by the presenter. A view of a few square feet of one’s home may not be representative of the host’s insight for interior decorating. The unseen portion of the dwelling may be a horror show.

Teleconferencing requires some preparation to maintain control of what is seen publicly. There are the amusing interruptions from children running into view, or the house pet jumping onto desks, which is always good for a chuckle. The occasional partially-clothed spouse may unknowingly stray into the viewing zone. How can they not know a show is going on?

One can also discern some idea of the presenter’s character from what is visible behind them. Vladimir Duthiers, the jovial lifestyle journalist of CBS This Morning, has several guitars visible in his viewing area. I had no idea he had musical inclinations. Gayle King’s viewing room seemed remarkably understated. Chris Cuomo’s basement, where he was confined when ill with covid, was also unremarkable.

Usually, though, we see a person at a desk with shelves full of books and other items behind them. High-def televisions give us a good view of the book titles, which may also sway our opinions of the presenter. Or it could all be an elaborate ruse to make us think more highly of the one being viewed. Some have gone so far as to place virtual backgrounds of beaches and mountainsides, suggesting they are not actually in a 700-square-foot apartment.

I decided it was important to make an impression on those who view my webcasts or when I have employee meetings online. I do have the obligatory bookcase behind me but felt it was too boring. I brought my Telecaster and Taylor guitars from home and strategically placed them behind me. Now, my guitar skills are barely above beginner level, but without saying a word, I imply to viewers that, yep,

I’m a guitarist. I just hope I’m not asked to play “Stairway to Heaven.”

I have books left over from my schooling and those I’ve purchased to supplement my understanding of various diseases or technologies pertinent to my work. Just for fun I put a copy of “The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump” by Rob Sears on a visible shelf. I’ve also placed photos of my wife and granddaughter to reinforce how lucky I am. Bottles of product are strategically stationed for subtle marketing effects. A microscope sits on a file cabinet. I really have no need for a microscope, but it looks so sciency! A Keith Olbermann bobblehead doll is visible as are my Tom Petty and Fleetwood Mac albums, all which work to increase my coolness factor.

I like to have a slight but not too cluttered look in my background just to convey that I’m not really an uptight and obsessive person. The staging screams that I am more than I seem, I’m not a dull stodgy scientist, I can be fun and interesting!

Etiquette is important when teleconferencing. Please place your camera at or slightly above your face, otherwise your viewers get an awesome shot of your nostrils. Don’t be so close to the camera lens that you fill up the computer screen.

Don’t be so far back that you become lost in the background of books behind you. Don’t eat while conferencing, it is annoying to see someone chewing a muffin. That bit of chocolate on your chin becomes a distraction. And most importantly, keep your clothes on! And don’t wear your dirty cuddle duds just because you’re at home.

The most distressing thing about online conferencing for me is becoming distracted by my own face. I find myself obsessing over the new wrinkles, the crazy eyelash that won’t stay in place, or my lazy eyelids. It is hard to focus on sales reports when contemplating a trip to the dermatologist for botox injections.

I’ll be happy when the vaccines come along, covid becomes a non-issue, in-person conferences come back, and I can grumble again about travel expenses. I have suspicions that those who must see me online will be even more ecstatic.

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