‘Yellowstone’ moments, idioms for the Arkansas legislature

Blame this column on the spate of filings, the weather or the fact that Paramount and Kevin Costner know how to fill the time on the television with a hit Western series.

And if you’ve not watched “Yellowstone,” or don’t like that serial soap opera Western on the Dutton Ranch on recent television, well, “mosey on down the column reading trail.”

Arkansas, this week, opened its political filing season, with new state house and state senate districts and “finely tuned” Congressional districts. Pulling up some of these idioms from the show “Yellowstone,” I’ve adapted them for the legislature. It just seemed like the right thing to do and a little bit of fun.

So here we go. “How do we see things? We see it, the way we see it,” overheard in many cloak rooms on legislative perspective.

“Weekend? You know there is no such thing as a weekend when you are a legislator.”

“Politicians are like crabs, they always move sideways — never forward and most never back up, either.”

And one of my favorites is calling out your enemy: “You are the trailer park. I am the tornado.”

Here is one that is true to form for a rural legislator:

“Big cities are the sunset of civilization. Me, I am a rural person, touching destiny and cow ‘dung’ (my words) each and every day back on the rural farms of Arkansas.”

When met with forces that are opposite, “Resistance is the kind of thing that defines itself.”

“When must I act?” a legislator asks his colleagues. They say: “Do it fast – this kind of ship sails every day.” The reply from the reluctant bill sponsor, “So I have a day or two?”

As a problem arises, you sometimes can hear this exchange: “Problems (with this bill)? Do you have a solution?” The answer: ‘That is all I am looking for is solutions.’”

Or this curt reply after a discussion on a matter between two opposing sides: “Anything else? (Pause) You are not going to like it (as an answer) — then and only then will it change.”

And another way to deal with a direct argument on a bill: “Don’t ask them (the opposition) what they want to do — ask what problems they want to solve — if they say ‘What’ — well, just walk away, they are not listening.”

For the reason some party legislation passes, consider this idiom. “The reason party legislation works at all is that not everyone in your political party is ‘nuts’ on the same day each week.”

And this when there is talk about legislation helping the poor in our state: “Living day to day is not living — it is surviving. Tomorrow is the only reason a parent should be living for.”

On why an amendment to your bill is needed: “Oh, the amendment, I didn’t expect you to like it – but I need you to get this straight on – you need this amendment to pass your bill.”

When the next economic bill is filed, ask yourself this: “The state sure finds a way to put people out of business — not putting them in business with such bills as this.”

And when the discussion heats up and emotions flare on the floor of the committee room of chamber: “Right and wrong on this issue is so far from the discussion we will never find it today.”

Or this example to a hot-button issue: “Don’t try to apply logic to this situation that is illogical from the start.”

And to those who seem not to learn the lesson of losing: “You have to learn to let the sting (of defeat) fade – then and only then can you talk about a resolution.”

Remember this: “Winners are not judged on the how but on the when.”

Cowboys (and cowgirls, too) never say goodbye. Much like politicians, they say, “see you soon.”

And remember to back off when a female legislator warns you: “Don’t make me go Beth Dutton on you.”

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Maylon Rice is a former journalist who worked for several northwest Arkansas publications. He can be reached via email at maylontrice@yahoo.com. Opinions expressed are those of the author.