Zero tolerance for intimate partner violence
I wanted to thank the Times-call and Amber Carlson for the article “Domestic violence trending upward in Longmont, according to experts” dated Dec. 17, 2022. Often when we talk about domestic violence we don’t talk about post separation abuse. On Dec. 15, 2022, the United Nations Office of the High Commissioner closed its call for submissions from women all over the United States of America who continued to suffer intimate partner violence at the hands of our custody courts after they fled an abusive relationship. My submission was based on my 10-year career as an advocate for survivors in Boulder County.
Based on my experience trying to help women not only in Boulder County but all over the United States, what I determined is that when women survivors of intimate partner violence already suffer from posttraumatic stress injury (PTSI) they unexpectedly find themselves in an inverted reality. Instead of getting support from our custody judges and law enforcement agencies they become re-victimized by a system that facilitates the perpetrators’ postseparation abuse. The agenda of the legal system in Boulder County remains fundamentally patriarchal in nature, entitling abusive fathers to seek full custody of children while the entire system disregards the rights of mothers and children to be safe from coercion, intimidation, manipulation and violence.
Regardless of a history of violence and/or child abuse in a relationship, Boulder County Custody Judges encourage abusive fathers to continue to have parenting time, thereby requiring mothers to co-parent with their abuser. Abusive, vengeful fathers then utilize this shared custody scenario to further exploit their coercive control of the mothers and abuse of the children. When a child discloses abuse to their mother, and she reports it to law enforcement, social workers and/or attorneys, the abusive father gaslights judicial officers by “denying, attacking, and reversing victim and offender” (DARVO), claiming the mother is “crazy” and “alienating” the child from him. He then proceeds to weaponize the child against her through the court for sole custody.
Judges in Boulder County for the most part subsequently base custody decisions with the aid of “custody evaluations.” In Boulder County, state evaluators are known to use unscrupulous tactics and inappropriate psychological testing methods such as the MMPI, which is entirely unsuitable for victims of IPV to discredit the mother. Overzealous attorneys are known to use ex-parte orders and sometimes without warning custody transfer can occur.
Once a mother loses custody she might be permitted to maintain a relationship using supervised visits. This visitation regime simply reinforces the perpetrator’s brainwashing of the children to believe their mother is an unfit parent, consequently compounding existing abuse and increasing the possibility of intergenerational impact.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention concludes that the resulting adverse childhood experiences increase the risks of many of the leading causes of death. As a result of the system not defending against these failures, safe, kind loving mothers become estranged from their own children.
Boulder County needs to implement a zero-tolerance policy regarding IPV, child abuse and gender inequality, using education and the media.