Valentine’s Day can be triggering for people recovering from trauma

For most people, Valentine’s Day is either fun or, at worst, an annoyance. But for people recovering from trauma, it can be very difficult, a Colorado clinical psychologist said.

Any holiday can be hard for people with post-traumatic stress disorder, because they may feel unable to connect with others after the traumatic event changed the way they see themselves and the world, said Dr. Abby Norouzinia, who practices at the University of Colorado School of Medicine. But Valentine’s Day presents its own challenges for people who survived sexual assault, domestic violence or other trauma related to dating and romantic relationships, she said.

When a person experiences a traumatic event, the brain automatically notes whatever is happening around them: a song playing on the radio, smells of food or cologne, the place and time of day, Norouzinia said.

While most people don’t develop post-traumatic stress disorder, those who do remain hypersensitive to the “triggers” the brain remembers, even if they know that a certain sound or scent isn’t inherently dangerous, she said.

“When your body is having a reaction to something and it’s really overpowering, you might know intellectually (that it’s not dangerous), but your body’s still having that reaction,” she said.

People naturally avoid things that make them feel unsafe, so a person who has triggers related to romantic relationships might be inclined to stay away from the pervasive reminders around Valentine’s Day.

But avoiding reminders of trauma tends to ingrain the idea that the trigger is dangerous, and people’s lives shrink as they find they can’t do things they once enjoyed, Norouzinia said. At the same time, it’s counterproductive to

“throw someone in the deep end,” figuratively speaking,

because a person who’s overwhelmed with fear isn’t able to unlearn the associations their brain has made, she said.

One of the most common treatments is to slowly expose

people to the trigger in a controlled way, so they can process the feelings that come up and learn they can ride out the distress, Norouzinia said.

Other possible therapies

focus on reframing thoughts or working through the traumatic event by writing about it.

“When you confront the things, it can help you regain control,” she said.