How to start when you’re feeling stuck
We’ve all been there. The plan to get back to the gym. The good feelings of deciding to start tomorrow (and the good feeling of sinking into the couch tonight and flipping on Netflix). Then, the 5 a.m. alarm sounds and suddenly all the good feelings are gone. There’s only resistance and a bajillion reasons why starting tomorrow is better than today. Cue the snooze button.
Starting when we’ve been stuck for a while is like trying to run through thick, sludgy mud — clumsy, slow, and messy. I’ve identified one big reason why we get stuck in this cycle, and I’ll offer a few things that can help us break free and actually get started.
Motivation is our biggest downfall in the pursuit of starting something important. We wait to feel motivated, to want to start. However, motivation is a finite and fickle resource. It’s a state of being that almost never shows up for the things we want it to, and when it does, it doesn’t last for longer than a few weeks. The truth is we don’t need motivation to start. In fact, other feelings are far more useful: committed, curious, or determined to name a few. So, throw motivation out the window, and try on some evidence-based practices around habit formation.
My client, we’ll call her Kelsey, wanted to work out at her school’s gym before starting her teaching day. She’d held the intention for weeks, even packing her gym back and putting it on the calendar, yet she still hadn’t set foot in the gym. When I asked why not, she told me several valid reasons that had her not going — it would cut into her prep time before students came; she was overwhelmed by figuring out the process of bringing all her stuff to school to get ready; and, she was really tired in the morning so it was excruciating to try to get up earlier.
In Atomic Habits, author James Clear offers a practical and evidencebased approach to habit change. Most simply, if you are wanting to start a habit but you aren’t doing it, start smaller, make it more enjoyable, and reduce as many barriers to entry as possible. For Kelsey, starting with a 20-minute workout instead of holding herself to a full hour felt more doable. Starting smaller helps our brains and nervous systems get on board because it’s not as big of a step outside of the familiar.
Next, we explored making it more enjoyable, which might be pairing something you love with something you are procrastinating. A favorite of mine when I was a teacher was having yummy, hot beverages or crunchy snacks while I was grading stacks of papers. However, for Kelsey, we ended up revisiting her “why.” She decided she wanted to shelve the driving purpose of changing body composition and rather run an experiment to see if working out in the morning would help her teaching day feel better. Her focus became curiosity-driven to see what might help increase her mood and energy.
Finally, we looked at what was getting in the way and how we could set up conditions so that follow-through was easy. We discovered that trying to get to the gym for the first time on Tuesday after a long Monday that always included at least two after-school meetings was nearly impossible. She decided to switch her plan to Monday so that she had time and energy on Sunday night to pack her food and gym bag.
By making it smaller, more enjoyable/relevant, and easier, Kelsey made it to the gym on Monday, which sparked motivation to go twice more, that week. Starting can be challenging, but with these three approaches, you increase your chances of following through for yourself.
What have you been planning to start that keeps getting put off? I offer compassionate and practical guidance to help you get unstuck. Submit your questions below.
Tiffany Skidmore is a mental health and life coach who specializes in anxiety. Email your questions and feedback to tiffany@ tiffanyskidmore.com or submit them anonymously at tinyurl.com/ thelifecoach. Visit tiffskidmore.com to learn more about Tiffany and her work.