Here are the 10 worst Christmas songs of all time
Why ‘A Christmas Carol,’ at 180, is an enduring
NEW YORK – To hear Philip Palmer, the literary curator at the Morgan Library & Museum tell it, the story behind the writing of “A Christmas Carol” sounds, well, like something out of Charles Dickens. ● It is October 1843 and Dickens’ debts are mounting. The 31-year-old author has moved his growing family into a new home in London, a bigger house with more servants. His father and his brothers keep taking out loans using his famous name. He is forced to take out ads in newspapers warning creditors not to loan his father any more money. ● By 1843, Dickens was already known for “The Pickwick Papers,” “Oliver Twist,” “Nicholas Nickleby,” and “The Old Curiosity Shop.” But his latest work, “The Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit,” serialized in magazines, isn’t the barn-burner he’d hoped.
Heard any good Christmas songs lately?
Chances are you have, as nothing pulls at the heartstrings like Christmas and holiday songs. The genre is an industry unto itself, and the greats of music have made holiday songs. But with so many seasonal tunes, there are a few clunkers as well.
Here are the 10 worst, in chronological order.
‘All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)’ by Spike Jones and His City Slickers (1947)
Annoying, grating and emblematic of baby-boomer indulgence, “All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)” was first released in 1947 by Jones and company.
It was a nadir of the post-war population explosion and millions of beleaguered parents had toothless kids at home. They apparently identified with this drivel.
A music teacher, Donald Gardner, wrote the song after substituting for a second-grade class in Smithtown, New York, in 1944. The majority of the class didn’t have teeth and he wrote the song for the school’s Christmas pageant. He showed it to his wife.
“We both thought it was god-awful,” said Gardner, according to Deardoctor.com. “I said, ‘My God, that won’t even sell 100 copies.’”
“All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)” has been covered many time since then, including popular versions by Alvin and the Chipmunks and Nat King Cole.
‘I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas’ by Gayla Peevey (1953)
Can anyone say animal abuse? A full-grown hippopotamus can weigh up to 4,000 pounds — there’s no way it’s going to fit under a Christmas tree. That didn’t deter 10-year old Gayla Peevey of Oklahoma, who was apparently asked to name anything she wanted for Christmas. Asking for a hippopotamus doesn’t strike us as subversive in a Dr. Seuss kind of way, but rather overly indulgent and spoiled. The type of thing Veruca Salt would ask for.
The song’s marching band-style arrangement increases the annoyance factor exponentially.
‘Jingle Bells’ by the Singing Dogs (1955)
This song is a case of the bark being worse than the bite.
Dolly, Pearl, Pussy, Caesar, and King were recorded by a Dutch music producer and their barks were altered to resemble “Jingle Bells.” One listen and you say that’s clever. Two listens and you say that’s annoying. A lifetime of hearing “Jingle Bells” by the Singing Dogs during the holidays and you say you’re a cat person.
‘Jingle Bells’ by Barbra Streisand (1967)
This cacophonous, allegro-happy version of “Jingle Bells” has to be heard to be believed. What were they thinking?
“Laughing all the way, hey, hey, hey, hey!” yelps Streisand.
Forty years later, the YouTube comments put a bow on it.
“I don’t think I’ve ever gotten motion sickness from a song before,” commented a listener. “But here I am.”
‘An Old Fashioned Christmas (Daddy’s Home)’ by Linda Bennett (1975)
Nothing says Merry Christmas like a song about a bus crash with multiple fatalities.
That’s what happens in “An Old Fashioned Christmas (Daddy’s Home)” by Linda Bennett. The song is bad and in bad taste. It’s having a bit of a revival these days, thanks to TikTok.
Let it be a reminder — slow down and drive carefully.