True confessions

Should I leave, or should I stay in this toxic relationship? It’s imperative that you read it here first. Everything should be exposed here once and for all. My thoughts have gone back and forth with this, time and again. It has been a constant struggle. Some purport that the truth be told, on the table, in real time, from the source.

This is important before the gossip starts, before tongues start to wag, before the texts start to fly. So, the record can be put out there, straight. After all, this is a very small town, in the end.

There have been many sleepless nights. Much long and hard thought has gone into this, and I am the first to admit it. Oh, yes, I realize that this may not be the time or the place, under the circumstances, and it is quite clear that many will question this better judgment.

But, please rest assured, this is not a decision that has been taken lightly. However, I just can’t take it any more; it’s time to leave my long time relationship that so long has been one of my most deeply treasured, and has been such a huge part of my life. In my grief, sadly, it must end, once and for all. It’s over, all over.

Back in the day, it was an immediate attraction — it was a love affair at first sight. But then it became almost obsessive. The situation became out of control. Waking up in the morning, it dominates my thoughts, at night, the same thing. It has become life consuming.

So, yes, it is true. I am finally leaving this awful, hurtful, painful, abusive, dreadful involvement. I can no longer live like this. It is only fair that you should all know the truth from behind the doors of the darkened back rooms. This decision was made with great deep regret and grave sorrow. Indeed, it was grueling, and it has become a heartfelt lamentation. I am leaving the abuse that all of this has done to me. Year after year I have suffered the obvious consequences. So, I am now, once and for all, saying good-bye to it.

But, I have one final request, please don’t ever attempt to come back my way; you know the frailty of the human spirit. Of course, it is quite true, we must ‘never say never’, but if you ever do attempt to come back into my life, I shall look the other way in strong hopes that my inner strength will prevail. Therefore, to my beloved apple pie, to donuts, peanut butter, to my cherished cheesecake and especially to my coveted maple walnut ice cream, so long my friends! I hope you will miss me as much as I shall miss y’all. There will not ever be a day when thoughts of you won’t cross my mind.

Good-bye my sweets, goodbye.

— Paula McConnell/Vallejo