Child-averse couple faces kid kryptonite

DEAR AMY >> I’m a woman in my mid-30s. My husband and I are indecisive about having kids. I’m not much of a “kid person.” He is definitely better with kids than I am.

I got along with school-age and older children well until a few years ago, when relatives on both sides started pressuring us, declaring that we were selfish or missing out on the meaning of life if we didn’t have kids.

Meanwhile, my husband and I are regularly bombarded by photos of the kids in the family, to the point that I have turned off notifications.

Now, I’m uneasy about planned visits from family this summer.

Our relatives have eased up on overtly pressuring us, but I know the adult conversations will revolve heavily around childrearing or discussing the latest results of their “doomscrolling” (another topic that drives me crazy).

Also, my youngest nieces/nephews, who are kryptonite for my patience, are being brought into the mix.

When they first visited before COVID, my most successful day with them was when they came over to our house, and they were very happy to play with our dog, who is a dream with children.

However, we quickly found that our home is not exactly kid-friendly.

This time, I’m thinking of suggesting an outing or two at a big, lovely park near us that has a well-maintained dog park, plenty of walking paths, and one or two playgrounds. The only downside is the grandparents, who aren’t very mobile anymore, likely couldn’t join us.

Do you have any other recommendations on how I can survive these summer visits?

— Not a Kid Person

DEAR NOT A KID PERSON >>

I have been a part of many family groups where the woman is automatically assigned the role of camp counselor and kid wrangler, while the male partner behaves more as a helpful guest, dipping in and out and occasionally grilling meat for dinner.

Maybe you should be the secondary host and primary grill-master during these visits.

Unfortunately, in addition to not being a “kid person,” you also don’t want to see photos of children or listen to parents discuss them. You also don’t want to engage in conversations involving “doomscrolling,” (which is an outsized interest in negative news).

I know that you must have some reserve of patience because you have a dog, so you should work on applying more tolerance toward the people in your life, because your parameters are so limiting that it is as if you are setting yourself — and especially these children — up for failure.

Keep the visit short. Ask these parents for ideas in terms of keeping the children occupied, fed and watered, but remember that their parents should always be in charge of them.