Single mom wrestles with tough choices

DEAR AMY >> I am a 32-year-old woman with a 6-year-old son.

I am in a relationship with “Larry,” who is 48. He is not my child's father.

Before meeting Larry, I lived alone and raised my son by myself.

After losing my job, my son and I moved in with my folks. We were financially dependent on them. Over the course of a year I looked for work, but couldn't find a decent-paying job that conformed with my son's school hours.

I felt I became a burden to my parents financially. They scrambled to get my son from school while I was at work.

During that time, I was dating Larry and decided to move in with him.

I knew it was a mistake fairly quickly. We just aren't compatible.

I feel like I've become stuck.

Now I'm working at a good job, and I know I can afford to be on my own. I hate to seem selfish and leave, but I'm not happy.

I don't blame Larry. I know I have personal issues to work on, but I know being on my own would be best for me and my child.

The only thing is that I would need my family to help with some childcare (my child's father isn't around). At times it seems my family gets tired of helping out.

I know that if I stay with Larry, he will help with my son's school drop-off and pickup, and with other miscellaneous things.

Do I leave Larry, suck it up, and ask for my family's help again, or should I stay in this relationship?

I'm really torn. I just want to do what's best for my son. — Confused in

Texas

DEAR CONFUSED >> Your question illustrates how childcare lies at the heart of concerns for all single parents.

You mention two things about “Larry”: His age, and his ability to help with your son. He likely deserves to have a partner who genuinely wants to be with him.

I can't speak for your parents, but I do believe that most parents, given the option, would rather provide some childcare for their grandson than have their daughter dependent on her much-older partner to do it.

You should check with your son's school and enroll him in after-school care, if at all possible. This sort of lower-cost program has been a Godsend for hard-working parents.

Talk with your parents very frankly about your needs. You should do everything possible to lessen any imposition on them.

I can speak for all parents here: We want for our children to demonstrate that they are moving forward. A good job, decent housing, stable schooling for your son: these are all signs that you are making progress. Keep going.